I always admired those who played D&D. It seems like those who played when it first existed are now those who own media empires; the smart kids who understand algebra and can program their vcrs, set up a LAN party, correct runtime errors, and comprehend the physics behind a black hole. These were the chosen ones who did well on their English and their math SAT. These were the smart kids who majored in subjects that lead to steady employment and financial success after college. I was not one of these kids. No, I was a pudgy sports enthusiast who liked to read and write on the side, and fill his head with absolutely useless knowledge about the entertainment industry, like how many singers Pantera had before Phil Anselmo took the job. And when I say I was a sports enthusiast, that mostly means I went to McDonalds a lot to collect the Dream Team cups during the summer Olympics, spent way too much money on collecting sports cards (including $10 per pack trying to hunt down a Don Mattingly rookie card, which I never got.), and buying the occasional replica jersey from the Champion outlet. I threw a basketball at a hoop regularly, but it rarely went where it was supposed to. I did play football in high school, and I wasn't too bad at it either, but I was far from a "jock." In other words, I was in the 98th percentile on my English SAT, and just above legally brain dead on my math. The only dice I knew was six-sided, white with black spots, and inside a Yatzee box. That all changed when some of my friends introduced me to HP and D-20's.
I didn't get into Dungeons and Dragons (affectionately abbreviated as D&D) until after college, actually. I knew of it, but I really knew nothing about it, apart from very rudimentary details that I learned from depictions of D&D sessions in tv shows like Freaks and Geeks. It involved dungeons, dragons, knights, quests, someone called a dungeon master, jokes, miniatures, and junk food. Oh, and funny looking dice. And math. It took me awhile to catch on, and in all honesty, there are still things that I don't quite understand completely, but I am now a proud D&D player. My wife and I play with two college friends almost weekly now, and it's a lot of fun. And we're all well-adjusted adults with jobs and college degrees. We're decent people and in touch with reality. We're sociable, easy-going and diverse. According to most of the movies I've seen about D&D players, we shouldn't exist. We should be either very damaged individuals, escaping behind our character sheets to detach from our troubled pasts, or we should be self-obsessed and angry.
I've now seen three movies focusing on D&D players; Gamers, The Gamers: Dorkness Rising, and The Dungeon Masters. In two of the three, the players are depicted as one of the two above options. Gamers is billed as a comedy, featuring four grown men with lousy jobs, living with their parents, fighting each other constantly, and generally being unpleasant human beings. They play Demons, Nymphs and Dragons (DND, get it?), but that's pretty much irrelevant to the story, which has very little to do with any actual gameplay. It's a disappointing movie that serves only to perpetuate the untrue stereotypes of a D&D player.
Dungeon Masters is more honest. It's an actual documentary, about actual people, who actually play D&D. Because of it's authenticity, I enjoyed it somewhat. But again, it focused on people who have blurred the lines between reality and their fantasy filled creations. People who have deep emotional scars from abusive relationships and childhoods. People with little ambition other than to improve their characters and delve deeper and deeper into their fantasies. People who spend hours applying makeup for their live action role playing games, and sacrifice time with their families in favor of exerting their dominance over their colleagues through cruel dungeon master rules and encounters. And sure, those people obviously exist. But not every gamer is a sad case. Not everyone plays to escape reality and personal demons. Not every player is essentially socially inept. I suppose it makes for a more interesting film if the stars are a little damaged, but is it so much to ask to just have D&D players, having fun, maybe some "drama" mixed in, but an honest depiction of the good aspects of the game, instead of focusing on adults acting like children?
That's where The Gamers: Dorkness Rising comes in. It's funny, it's honest, and it celebrates the good aspects of the game and those who play it. It's a comedy, and it's fictional, but I think it's the most honest examination of D&D culture. Frankly, it's the only of the three that's really worth watching. I can only hope that there will be more movies about D&D like this one.
Maybe my problem is that I'd really like a D&D movie that explains the game. And that would be kinda boring for most people. I'd like an instructional video that teaches me how to be a dungeon master, and what "milestone" means... I'd like to watch a video of people playing D&D. And that's far geekier and depraved than actually playing.
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Friday, December 3, 2010
Cleaning Out the Brain Cobwebs Leads to Hopeless Album Search
Sometimes it's frankly scary how my brain works. I always struggled with math, especially when they added letters to that crap. I often can't remember what I have scheduled for the weekend. I often forget how old I am. And yet I seem to have a steel trap mind for absolutely useless entertainment knowledge. And not even impressive, encyclopedic hipster knowledge that might win a trivia contest somewhere, or get me a free or discounted album at a yard sale or cool record store. No, I remember snippets of things long forgotten. Things that weren't really that cool, even when they were cool. Which brings me to the point of this entry.
I randomly remembered a band called Harlow while messing around on the internet. They were an unsigned all-female band from Los Angeles who took part in a reality tv show on VH1 called Bands On the Run. The fact that I remember Bands On the Run could be considered impressive. The fact that I remember the winning band's name was Flickerstick is perhaps trivia contest worthy. But the fact that I remember Harlow is... kinda sad on my part. Not only do I remember them, I remember thinking they were the best band on the show, and that regardless the outcome, I wanted to remember them for future reference. I suppose I need to explain a bit.
Bands On the Run was a "reality" show on VH1 featuring four unsigned bands; Soulcracker, Flickerstick, Harlow, and Josh Dodes Band, competing for a record contract, some moderately impressive amount of money, and I think new gear. Anyway, they were given a budget of $20 a day per band member to promote themselves and to put together gigs and bring in people to their shows. I remember Soulcracker tried to sabotage Flickerstick and the other bands, I think by pasting over their flyers and giving their tickets away for free instead of selling them like they were supposed to. I also remember Harlow were, frankly, lazy when it came to promoting themselves. But they put on the best show out of all four bands, and had the best music in my opinion. I don't remember Josh Dodes Band at all, to be honest. Flickerstick were good enough, and they were dedicated. Soulcracker were motivated, but kinda generic. Harlow were the rockers. Not to mention, they were all cute girls.
So, I did a search for Harlow on the internet. (I refuse to say that I "Googled" them, because 1) Google is NOT a verb, and 2) that just sounds kinda dirty.) I discovered that the guitarist/singer has moved on and retired from music basically. I also discovered that their website no longer exists. So I figured they split up, never put out music, and faded into obscurity. Until I saw a glimmer of hope on the Bands On the Run website, which is still alive for some reason... It mentions the possibility of buying their "new album" from the now defunct Harlow website. This means that they did indeed record music at some point. In some capacity, this music exists.
Youtube has provided another glimmer of hope. I now know the album was called Harlowland, and there are some of the songs from the album on there, so I can at least hear them. I also learned that it was produced by Pat Smear, formerly of The Germs, and touring guitarist for Nirvana and the Foo Fighters, which only makes me want this bleeding thing all the more. And thanks to the internet, I've found the cover art and a tracklist, but I can't find it for sale anywhere. I have a new challenge now. I don't necessarily like challenges when it comes to albums. Some of them are just so seemingly unobtainable. The Holy Grails of albums that I don't believe I'll ever find are:
1. Goons/Boils split 7". The Goons were a punk band from Arlington, Va. I saw them open for The Misfits a few years back, and instantly loved them. I've since collected nearly everything they put out in their short time together. But this split 7" ep record has eluded me time and again. What's worse, I've had it in my virtual grasp a few times. I've found it on eBay, and I actually won the auction, but was later told that it was listed in error and was refunded my money. I haven't been able to find it again since.
2. Die Cheerleader Die - Chasing the American Nightmare. Oddly enough, another band that I saw open for the Misfits, at the same show that introduced me to The Goons. I bought their third album, Down With Pom Poms, Up With Skirts, at the show. I had no idea they had two other albums. I don't believe I'll ever find this album. But just to make it worse, the old band website is still up, and it has two songs from the album on streaming audio. It also shows the album artwork, which is absolutely brilliant, and makes me want the album even more. Most of the band members went on to form a band called The Twats, and I bought that album, but it's not as good. The Twats also broke up, the singer married the guitar player, and they moved to Florida to breed and go to school.
3. Die Cheerleader Die - title unknown. Supposedly, they also had a short run CDR on a label called Mutant Pop. This one is confirmed to be pretty much completely unavailable. So unless I find one of the band members personally, and they happen to still have a copy stashed away somewhere in their attic, and they're willing to make a copy for me... Yeah, I'll never see this thing.
4. Harlow - Harlowland. Well, who knows. They were on tv, and the Pat Smear endorsement should carry some water at least, so I have to imagine there were a reasonable number copies of this album released. I have hope that I'll track this one down someday.
5. Nine Inch Nails - Purest Feeling. This one's a bootleg actually, comprised of the demo versions of Nine Inch Nails' first album. Some kind soul has uploaded most of it to Youtube, so I can at least hear it. And really, a buddy of mine has it, and I'm sure if I ask nicely enough, he'll make me a copy. But it'd still be cool to find a copy myself.
They taunt me. I want to hear them, and I've been known to plunk down slightly unreasonable money for past "treasures." But I need to be an adult, and a responsible adult at that. So for now, I'll only go after the obtainable, and keep dreaming of finding these grails.
I randomly remembered a band called Harlow while messing around on the internet. They were an unsigned all-female band from Los Angeles who took part in a reality tv show on VH1 called Bands On the Run. The fact that I remember Bands On the Run could be considered impressive. The fact that I remember the winning band's name was Flickerstick is perhaps trivia contest worthy. But the fact that I remember Harlow is... kinda sad on my part. Not only do I remember them, I remember thinking they were the best band on the show, and that regardless the outcome, I wanted to remember them for future reference. I suppose I need to explain a bit.
Bands On the Run was a "reality" show on VH1 featuring four unsigned bands; Soulcracker, Flickerstick, Harlow, and Josh Dodes Band, competing for a record contract, some moderately impressive amount of money, and I think new gear. Anyway, they were given a budget of $20 a day per band member to promote themselves and to put together gigs and bring in people to their shows. I remember Soulcracker tried to sabotage Flickerstick and the other bands, I think by pasting over their flyers and giving their tickets away for free instead of selling them like they were supposed to. I also remember Harlow were, frankly, lazy when it came to promoting themselves. But they put on the best show out of all four bands, and had the best music in my opinion. I don't remember Josh Dodes Band at all, to be honest. Flickerstick were good enough, and they were dedicated. Soulcracker were motivated, but kinda generic. Harlow were the rockers. Not to mention, they were all cute girls.
So, I did a search for Harlow on the internet. (I refuse to say that I "Googled" them, because 1) Google is NOT a verb, and 2) that just sounds kinda dirty.) I discovered that the guitarist/singer has moved on and retired from music basically. I also discovered that their website no longer exists. So I figured they split up, never put out music, and faded into obscurity. Until I saw a glimmer of hope on the Bands On the Run website, which is still alive for some reason... It mentions the possibility of buying their "new album" from the now defunct Harlow website. This means that they did indeed record music at some point. In some capacity, this music exists.
Youtube has provided another glimmer of hope. I now know the album was called Harlowland, and there are some of the songs from the album on there, so I can at least hear them. I also learned that it was produced by Pat Smear, formerly of The Germs, and touring guitarist for Nirvana and the Foo Fighters, which only makes me want this bleeding thing all the more. And thanks to the internet, I've found the cover art and a tracklist, but I can't find it for sale anywhere. I have a new challenge now. I don't necessarily like challenges when it comes to albums. Some of them are just so seemingly unobtainable. The Holy Grails of albums that I don't believe I'll ever find are:
1. Goons/Boils split 7". The Goons were a punk band from Arlington, Va. I saw them open for The Misfits a few years back, and instantly loved them. I've since collected nearly everything they put out in their short time together. But this split 7" ep record has eluded me time and again. What's worse, I've had it in my virtual grasp a few times. I've found it on eBay, and I actually won the auction, but was later told that it was listed in error and was refunded my money. I haven't been able to find it again since.
2. Die Cheerleader Die - Chasing the American Nightmare. Oddly enough, another band that I saw open for the Misfits, at the same show that introduced me to The Goons. I bought their third album, Down With Pom Poms, Up With Skirts, at the show. I had no idea they had two other albums. I don't believe I'll ever find this album. But just to make it worse, the old band website is still up, and it has two songs from the album on streaming audio. It also shows the album artwork, which is absolutely brilliant, and makes me want the album even more. Most of the band members went on to form a band called The Twats, and I bought that album, but it's not as good. The Twats also broke up, the singer married the guitar player, and they moved to Florida to breed and go to school.
3. Die Cheerleader Die - title unknown. Supposedly, they also had a short run CDR on a label called Mutant Pop. This one is confirmed to be pretty much completely unavailable. So unless I find one of the band members personally, and they happen to still have a copy stashed away somewhere in their attic, and they're willing to make a copy for me... Yeah, I'll never see this thing.
4. Harlow - Harlowland. Well, who knows. They were on tv, and the Pat Smear endorsement should carry some water at least, so I have to imagine there were a reasonable number copies of this album released. I have hope that I'll track this one down someday.
5. Nine Inch Nails - Purest Feeling. This one's a bootleg actually, comprised of the demo versions of Nine Inch Nails' first album. Some kind soul has uploaded most of it to Youtube, so I can at least hear it. And really, a buddy of mine has it, and I'm sure if I ask nicely enough, he'll make me a copy. But it'd still be cool to find a copy myself.
They taunt me. I want to hear them, and I've been known to plunk down slightly unreasonable money for past "treasures." But I need to be an adult, and a responsible adult at that. So for now, I'll only go after the obtainable, and keep dreaming of finding these grails.
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