I always admired those who played D&D. It seems like those who played when it first existed are now those who own media empires; the smart kids who understand algebra and can program their vcrs, set up a LAN party, correct runtime errors, and comprehend the physics behind a black hole. These were the chosen ones who did well on their English and their math SAT. These were the smart kids who majored in subjects that lead to steady employment and financial success after college. I was not one of these kids. No, I was a pudgy sports enthusiast who liked to read and write on the side, and fill his head with absolutely useless knowledge about the entertainment industry, like how many singers Pantera had before Phil Anselmo took the job. And when I say I was a sports enthusiast, that mostly means I went to McDonalds a lot to collect the Dream Team cups during the summer Olympics, spent way too much money on collecting sports cards (including $10 per pack trying to hunt down a Don Mattingly rookie card, which I never got.), and buying the occasional replica jersey from the Champion outlet. I threw a basketball at a hoop regularly, but it rarely went where it was supposed to. I did play football in high school, and I wasn't too bad at it either, but I was far from a "jock." In other words, I was in the 98th percentile on my English SAT, and just above legally brain dead on my math. The only dice I knew was six-sided, white with black spots, and inside a Yatzee box. That all changed when some of my friends introduced me to HP and D-20's.
I didn't get into Dungeons and Dragons (affectionately abbreviated as D&D) until after college, actually. I knew of it, but I really knew nothing about it, apart from very rudimentary details that I learned from depictions of D&D sessions in tv shows like Freaks and Geeks. It involved dungeons, dragons, knights, quests, someone called a dungeon master, jokes, miniatures, and junk food. Oh, and funny looking dice. And math. It took me awhile to catch on, and in all honesty, there are still things that I don't quite understand completely, but I am now a proud D&D player. My wife and I play with two college friends almost weekly now, and it's a lot of fun. And we're all well-adjusted adults with jobs and college degrees. We're decent people and in touch with reality. We're sociable, easy-going and diverse. According to most of the movies I've seen about D&D players, we shouldn't exist. We should be either very damaged individuals, escaping behind our character sheets to detach from our troubled pasts, or we should be self-obsessed and angry.
I've now seen three movies focusing on D&D players; Gamers, The Gamers: Dorkness Rising, and The Dungeon Masters. In two of the three, the players are depicted as one of the two above options. Gamers is billed as a comedy, featuring four grown men with lousy jobs, living with their parents, fighting each other constantly, and generally being unpleasant human beings. They play Demons, Nymphs and Dragons (DND, get it?), but that's pretty much irrelevant to the story, which has very little to do with any actual gameplay. It's a disappointing movie that serves only to perpetuate the untrue stereotypes of a D&D player.
Dungeon Masters is more honest. It's an actual documentary, about actual people, who actually play D&D. Because of it's authenticity, I enjoyed it somewhat. But again, it focused on people who have blurred the lines between reality and their fantasy filled creations. People who have deep emotional scars from abusive relationships and childhoods. People with little ambition other than to improve their characters and delve deeper and deeper into their fantasies. People who spend hours applying makeup for their live action role playing games, and sacrifice time with their families in favor of exerting their dominance over their colleagues through cruel dungeon master rules and encounters. And sure, those people obviously exist. But not every gamer is a sad case. Not everyone plays to escape reality and personal demons. Not every player is essentially socially inept. I suppose it makes for a more interesting film if the stars are a little damaged, but is it so much to ask to just have D&D players, having fun, maybe some "drama" mixed in, but an honest depiction of the good aspects of the game, instead of focusing on adults acting like children?
That's where The Gamers: Dorkness Rising comes in. It's funny, it's honest, and it celebrates the good aspects of the game and those who play it. It's a comedy, and it's fictional, but I think it's the most honest examination of D&D culture. Frankly, it's the only of the three that's really worth watching. I can only hope that there will be more movies about D&D like this one.
Maybe my problem is that I'd really like a D&D movie that explains the game. And that would be kinda boring for most people. I'd like an instructional video that teaches me how to be a dungeon master, and what "milestone" means... I'd like to watch a video of people playing D&D. And that's far geekier and depraved than actually playing.
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Friday, December 3, 2010
Cleaning Out the Brain Cobwebs Leads to Hopeless Album Search
Sometimes it's frankly scary how my brain works. I always struggled with math, especially when they added letters to that crap. I often can't remember what I have scheduled for the weekend. I often forget how old I am. And yet I seem to have a steel trap mind for absolutely useless entertainment knowledge. And not even impressive, encyclopedic hipster knowledge that might win a trivia contest somewhere, or get me a free or discounted album at a yard sale or cool record store. No, I remember snippets of things long forgotten. Things that weren't really that cool, even when they were cool. Which brings me to the point of this entry.
I randomly remembered a band called Harlow while messing around on the internet. They were an unsigned all-female band from Los Angeles who took part in a reality tv show on VH1 called Bands On the Run. The fact that I remember Bands On the Run could be considered impressive. The fact that I remember the winning band's name was Flickerstick is perhaps trivia contest worthy. But the fact that I remember Harlow is... kinda sad on my part. Not only do I remember them, I remember thinking they were the best band on the show, and that regardless the outcome, I wanted to remember them for future reference. I suppose I need to explain a bit.
Bands On the Run was a "reality" show on VH1 featuring four unsigned bands; Soulcracker, Flickerstick, Harlow, and Josh Dodes Band, competing for a record contract, some moderately impressive amount of money, and I think new gear. Anyway, they were given a budget of $20 a day per band member to promote themselves and to put together gigs and bring in people to their shows. I remember Soulcracker tried to sabotage Flickerstick and the other bands, I think by pasting over their flyers and giving their tickets away for free instead of selling them like they were supposed to. I also remember Harlow were, frankly, lazy when it came to promoting themselves. But they put on the best show out of all four bands, and had the best music in my opinion. I don't remember Josh Dodes Band at all, to be honest. Flickerstick were good enough, and they were dedicated. Soulcracker were motivated, but kinda generic. Harlow were the rockers. Not to mention, they were all cute girls.
So, I did a search for Harlow on the internet. (I refuse to say that I "Googled" them, because 1) Google is NOT a verb, and 2) that just sounds kinda dirty.) I discovered that the guitarist/singer has moved on and retired from music basically. I also discovered that their website no longer exists. So I figured they split up, never put out music, and faded into obscurity. Until I saw a glimmer of hope on the Bands On the Run website, which is still alive for some reason... It mentions the possibility of buying their "new album" from the now defunct Harlow website. This means that they did indeed record music at some point. In some capacity, this music exists.
Youtube has provided another glimmer of hope. I now know the album was called Harlowland, and there are some of the songs from the album on there, so I can at least hear them. I also learned that it was produced by Pat Smear, formerly of The Germs, and touring guitarist for Nirvana and the Foo Fighters, which only makes me want this bleeding thing all the more. And thanks to the internet, I've found the cover art and a tracklist, but I can't find it for sale anywhere. I have a new challenge now. I don't necessarily like challenges when it comes to albums. Some of them are just so seemingly unobtainable. The Holy Grails of albums that I don't believe I'll ever find are:
1. Goons/Boils split 7". The Goons were a punk band from Arlington, Va. I saw them open for The Misfits a few years back, and instantly loved them. I've since collected nearly everything they put out in their short time together. But this split 7" ep record has eluded me time and again. What's worse, I've had it in my virtual grasp a few times. I've found it on eBay, and I actually won the auction, but was later told that it was listed in error and was refunded my money. I haven't been able to find it again since.
2. Die Cheerleader Die - Chasing the American Nightmare. Oddly enough, another band that I saw open for the Misfits, at the same show that introduced me to The Goons. I bought their third album, Down With Pom Poms, Up With Skirts, at the show. I had no idea they had two other albums. I don't believe I'll ever find this album. But just to make it worse, the old band website is still up, and it has two songs from the album on streaming audio. It also shows the album artwork, which is absolutely brilliant, and makes me want the album even more. Most of the band members went on to form a band called The Twats, and I bought that album, but it's not as good. The Twats also broke up, the singer married the guitar player, and they moved to Florida to breed and go to school.
3. Die Cheerleader Die - title unknown. Supposedly, they also had a short run CDR on a label called Mutant Pop. This one is confirmed to be pretty much completely unavailable. So unless I find one of the band members personally, and they happen to still have a copy stashed away somewhere in their attic, and they're willing to make a copy for me... Yeah, I'll never see this thing.
4. Harlow - Harlowland. Well, who knows. They were on tv, and the Pat Smear endorsement should carry some water at least, so I have to imagine there were a reasonable number copies of this album released. I have hope that I'll track this one down someday.
5. Nine Inch Nails - Purest Feeling. This one's a bootleg actually, comprised of the demo versions of Nine Inch Nails' first album. Some kind soul has uploaded most of it to Youtube, so I can at least hear it. And really, a buddy of mine has it, and I'm sure if I ask nicely enough, he'll make me a copy. But it'd still be cool to find a copy myself.
They taunt me. I want to hear them, and I've been known to plunk down slightly unreasonable money for past "treasures." But I need to be an adult, and a responsible adult at that. So for now, I'll only go after the obtainable, and keep dreaming of finding these grails.
I randomly remembered a band called Harlow while messing around on the internet. They were an unsigned all-female band from Los Angeles who took part in a reality tv show on VH1 called Bands On the Run. The fact that I remember Bands On the Run could be considered impressive. The fact that I remember the winning band's name was Flickerstick is perhaps trivia contest worthy. But the fact that I remember Harlow is... kinda sad on my part. Not only do I remember them, I remember thinking they were the best band on the show, and that regardless the outcome, I wanted to remember them for future reference. I suppose I need to explain a bit.
Bands On the Run was a "reality" show on VH1 featuring four unsigned bands; Soulcracker, Flickerstick, Harlow, and Josh Dodes Band, competing for a record contract, some moderately impressive amount of money, and I think new gear. Anyway, they were given a budget of $20 a day per band member to promote themselves and to put together gigs and bring in people to their shows. I remember Soulcracker tried to sabotage Flickerstick and the other bands, I think by pasting over their flyers and giving their tickets away for free instead of selling them like they were supposed to. I also remember Harlow were, frankly, lazy when it came to promoting themselves. But they put on the best show out of all four bands, and had the best music in my opinion. I don't remember Josh Dodes Band at all, to be honest. Flickerstick were good enough, and they were dedicated. Soulcracker were motivated, but kinda generic. Harlow were the rockers. Not to mention, they were all cute girls.
So, I did a search for Harlow on the internet. (I refuse to say that I "Googled" them, because 1) Google is NOT a verb, and 2) that just sounds kinda dirty.) I discovered that the guitarist/singer has moved on and retired from music basically. I also discovered that their website no longer exists. So I figured they split up, never put out music, and faded into obscurity. Until I saw a glimmer of hope on the Bands On the Run website, which is still alive for some reason... It mentions the possibility of buying their "new album" from the now defunct Harlow website. This means that they did indeed record music at some point. In some capacity, this music exists.
Youtube has provided another glimmer of hope. I now know the album was called Harlowland, and there are some of the songs from the album on there, so I can at least hear them. I also learned that it was produced by Pat Smear, formerly of The Germs, and touring guitarist for Nirvana and the Foo Fighters, which only makes me want this bleeding thing all the more. And thanks to the internet, I've found the cover art and a tracklist, but I can't find it for sale anywhere. I have a new challenge now. I don't necessarily like challenges when it comes to albums. Some of them are just so seemingly unobtainable. The Holy Grails of albums that I don't believe I'll ever find are:
1. Goons/Boils split 7". The Goons were a punk band from Arlington, Va. I saw them open for The Misfits a few years back, and instantly loved them. I've since collected nearly everything they put out in their short time together. But this split 7" ep record has eluded me time and again. What's worse, I've had it in my virtual grasp a few times. I've found it on eBay, and I actually won the auction, but was later told that it was listed in error and was refunded my money. I haven't been able to find it again since.
2. Die Cheerleader Die - Chasing the American Nightmare. Oddly enough, another band that I saw open for the Misfits, at the same show that introduced me to The Goons. I bought their third album, Down With Pom Poms, Up With Skirts, at the show. I had no idea they had two other albums. I don't believe I'll ever find this album. But just to make it worse, the old band website is still up, and it has two songs from the album on streaming audio. It also shows the album artwork, which is absolutely brilliant, and makes me want the album even more. Most of the band members went on to form a band called The Twats, and I bought that album, but it's not as good. The Twats also broke up, the singer married the guitar player, and they moved to Florida to breed and go to school.
3. Die Cheerleader Die - title unknown. Supposedly, they also had a short run CDR on a label called Mutant Pop. This one is confirmed to be pretty much completely unavailable. So unless I find one of the band members personally, and they happen to still have a copy stashed away somewhere in their attic, and they're willing to make a copy for me... Yeah, I'll never see this thing.
4. Harlow - Harlowland. Well, who knows. They were on tv, and the Pat Smear endorsement should carry some water at least, so I have to imagine there were a reasonable number copies of this album released. I have hope that I'll track this one down someday.
5. Nine Inch Nails - Purest Feeling. This one's a bootleg actually, comprised of the demo versions of Nine Inch Nails' first album. Some kind soul has uploaded most of it to Youtube, so I can at least hear it. And really, a buddy of mine has it, and I'm sure if I ask nicely enough, he'll make me a copy. But it'd still be cool to find a copy myself.
They taunt me. I want to hear them, and I've been known to plunk down slightly unreasonable money for past "treasures." But I need to be an adult, and a responsible adult at that. So for now, I'll only go after the obtainable, and keep dreaming of finding these grails.
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Movie Review: Best Worst Movie
I've always had a soft spot in my heart for bad movies. When I was young, my mom and I would watch our vhs tape of Attack of the Killer Tomatoes so much that it started to wear the tape out. And it wasn't even a home video release; it was our recording from when they played it on tv, so it included partial commercials and "bumpers" from when they came out of commercial and returned to the movie. My dad couldn't stand it. He would leave the room when we put it on. Years later, he'd get accidental retribution. In the days before Tivo and DVR technology, if you wanted to watch something scheduled on tv at a later time than its original broadcast, you had to set your vcr to record the show. The Sci-Fi channel (now Syfy for pretty much inane and inexplicable reasons) ran the extended 3 + hour cut of Dune, a bad movie Holy Grail, and my mom and I captured it on tape. To my knowledge, they never ran it again. I'm not even sure it's even available at all now. And my dad used that tape to record f'n politics... Extended cut Dune was lost forever. We've forgiven him, as much as you can forgive someone for such blasphemy. Besides, we also made him suffer through nearly every Ernest movie... And my mom still flips through the tv schedule to see what kind of monster movie they're playing on Syfy every weekend. Now that I'm an adult, I still love bad movies. Maybe even more than I did back then. Back then, I was somewhat limited to my mom's taste in bad. Mostly a lot of early b-movies, like the Godzilla movies and killer ants movies and the like. But in adulthood, I discovered more of the real gems. Plan Nine From Outer Space, Manos: The hands of Fate, Santa Claus Conquers the Martians, Sleepaway Camp, etc. But the one I enjoyed the most was Troll 2.
I originally heard about Troll 2 on a podcast. Before that, I had no idea it existed. After listening to the podcast, I knew I had to see it. So I added it to my Netflix queue. When I got it, I discovered that it's a dual-disc with Troll part one, and Troll 2 on the same disc. I figured surely you'd have to see part one to follow part 2, so I watched Troll first. It was pretty bad, but I enjoyed it as a bad movie. And it had the kid who played Atreyu in the Neverending Story movies, not to mention Julia Louis-Dreyfus and Sunny Bono. And honestly, it was at least somewhat enjoyable and coherent. But this wasn't the gem that everyone talked about. This was just Troll, which nobody seemed to have any strong feelings for in particular. Troll 2 still awaited. So I pressed play and was immediately transported to the world of the best worst movie ever made. A few weeks later, I bought my own copy of Troll/Troll 2.
It's hard to really describe what makes Troll 2 such a fun train wreck of a movie to watch. It really just has to be experienced. There are three types of bad movies, I reckon. The first type is bad because it's boring, insultingly simple minded, and made with zero ambition or desire to be anything more than a cash grab. All of the "_ Movie" movies fall into this category; Date Movie, Epic Movie, Superhero Movie, etc. The second type is bad because it's just not at all entertaining or interesting. I would place The Happening into this category. The third type of bad movie was made with the best of intentions that just didn't pan out, for whatever reason. Plan Nine From Outer Space, Santa Claus Conquers the Martians, Coven, and of course Troll 2 fall into this category. They all have a sense of charming ineptitude, whether it's in the directing, the writing, the acting, the corners cut due to ultra low budget, overall inexperience, etc. You want to pat these movies on the head and send them to bed with a glass of water, as The Grinch did to adorable little Cindy-Lou Who. They're misguided labors of love, and you find yourself laughing both at them as well as with them, only they don't really quite get the joke.
That was a rather long-winded lead up to the point of this post, which is to discuss the movie Best Worst Movie. Best Worst Movie is a documentary about Troll 2 and the cultural impact it has had. The interesting thing about Best Worst Movie, right off the bat, is that it was directed by the child actor who starred in Troll 2. He's in on the joke. He gets that it's a terrible movie that's hopelessly lovable. He gets why it was never released to theaters, and why there hasn't been a Troll 3 yet. But nobody involved seemed to know that the movie they filmed was called Troll 2, or that it had been release on home video.
That's because the movie was originally called Goblin, and there are zero Trolls in Troll 2. It has nothing to do with Troll part one. Not even an incling of a connection to the original story. No returning characters, no returning actors... The trolls in Troll 2 are goblins, not trolls; a continuity and logic error to end all continuity and logic errors. What's better, the director of Troll 2 doesn't seem to understand that calling the movie Troll 2, while calling the creatures goblins instead of trolls, is even a problem. It's lost in translation, as the writer's and director's, and most of the filming crew's native tongue is Italian, not English. As such, the actors had a difficult time understanding the little direction they were actually given. And the directors didn't understand when the actors had trouble with a line that was mind-blowingly stilted and unnatural, such as "Elliot is not my beau! He's my boyfriend and he told me last night that he loves me and that he wanted to come on this trip with me and my family."
Best Worst Movie starts off by catching up with Dr. George Hardy, who played the father character in Troll 2. He's an instantly likable man, with a smile as wide as the ocean, and a genuine love for life and people. His acting past is long behind him, and he's settled into his role as a dentist and small town hero, but he still has a little taste for flair and showmanship left in his heart. He straps on roller blades and dresses up in costumes for the town parade every year. His character in Troll 2 is beloved for an entirely different reason. Mostly, it's because he has some of the most insanely incomprehensible lines, my favorite being "Tightening my belt one loop so that I don't feel hunger pains, and your sister and mother will have to do likewise. Okay, Joshua. You wanna get rough with me? You wanna show me that you don't like the choice of this house for our vacation by going on a hunger strike? Well, I'll accept the challenge. But just remember when I was your age, I really did suffer from hunger. We'll see who gets through this, but just remember I've got more practice than you. I'll see you tomorrow." Even taken in context, it's completely illogical. He's punishing his son for ruining dinner. You think he's reaching for his belt to beat his son with it. No. He's reaching for it to tighten it as an act of defiance against his son's behavior, which he has interpreted as a protest against a boring vacation and a challenge to see who can go the longest without eating... which he knows he'll win, since he starved as a child... and tightening his belt is the only way to circumvent the hunger pains of a hunger strike... That doesn't make a lick of sense in any language.
Next, we catch up with the other main cast members, one by one. They all seem to have pretty much the same story; they were surprised to learn that the movie was called Troll 2, and that it had been released at all, and their first viewing was full of shame and regret, and they've tried to forget about it all these years. What brings them all together again is the discovery of the new fan base the movie has received now. It's the definition of a cult classic. People had small scale viewing parties, and it spread like wildfire. Pretty soon, they were invited to take part in panel discussions and special screenings that sold out night after night in the U.S. It's all very upbeat, and it makes you proud to be a fan of Troll 2. And then you catch up with some of the lesser characters, and Best Worst Movie takes a darker turn.
It turns out, Troll 2 has had a profound impact on some of its stars. The actor who played Grandpa is now retired and lonely. And from the looks of it, he's a borderline hoarder filled with regret. But he's still as likable as he was in the movie, which makes it even more difficult to learn that he's alone and feels like he wasted his life. The actress who played the mother character has become a paranoid recluse, who may or may not hear voices. The actor who played the town shop keep is a recovering mental patient. He admits that at the time of filming Troll 2, he was an avid pot smoker, and he basically dreamed about killing the child actor because he hated him so much. Shit just got real.
Then we're introduced to the director and the writer of Troll 2. The director is either egotistical beyond belief, or in some serious denial. He really seems to believe that he created the ultimate allegory for the human spirit and the human condition with Troll 2, and that those who enjoy the film are deeply connected to the important issues explored throughout the film. The writer, his wife, believes that her tale of goblins who convert people into plants in order to consume them as an alternate to toxin and cholesterol-filled meat products, is a scathing condemnation of vegetarians, whose dietary practices she found personally insulting at the time. Even though... they eat people... which is still a carnivorous behavior, even if they're partially converted to plants... and it's never explained why people-plants are required, instead of, say, plant-plants... The director believes that the actors and fans are just simply too dumb to completely understand his vision when they laugh at lines like "Joshua is not a little shit; he's just very sensitive," or the actors relay tales of receiving incomplete scripts, and never fully understanding the concept behind the story, or being told to go upstairs when they're outside... in the woods...
All of the fame and praise the cast has received in the U.S. went completely out the window as they embarked on a misguided and ill-advised international convention appearance. There were about 6 people at the screening, instead of a sold-out crowd, and zero autograph requests. The horror convention didn't fare much better, with George wandering around taking in horror fan culture and dental habits research instead of fan love. It all ends on a somewhat uplifting note, with most of the main actors seemingly coming to understand, embrace and appreciate their status as cult movie icons, at least in select markets. It invigorated the desire to try again at an acting career for many of them, and I came out of watching the movie with the hope that those who love the movie for what it is will continue to give the key players just enough praise for them to feel proud of making a fun movie despite itself. It did leave me wanting a bit more though, as not every main cast member was interviewed, and a bit too much time was spent focusing on Dr. George. Then again, maybe more of that is covered in the special features of the dvd, assuming there are any, or perhaps in the special 20th anniversary edition of Troll 2, which I don't yet own.
I still hope to attend one of the screenings at some point, but short of that, Best Worst Movie is a great reminder of why Troll 2 is so much fun to love, and why I proudly own the anniversary set of Attack of the Killer Tomatoes on dvd, with the collector mini movie poster intact.
I originally heard about Troll 2 on a podcast. Before that, I had no idea it existed. After listening to the podcast, I knew I had to see it. So I added it to my Netflix queue. When I got it, I discovered that it's a dual-disc with Troll part one, and Troll 2 on the same disc. I figured surely you'd have to see part one to follow part 2, so I watched Troll first. It was pretty bad, but I enjoyed it as a bad movie. And it had the kid who played Atreyu in the Neverending Story movies, not to mention Julia Louis-Dreyfus and Sunny Bono. And honestly, it was at least somewhat enjoyable and coherent. But this wasn't the gem that everyone talked about. This was just Troll, which nobody seemed to have any strong feelings for in particular. Troll 2 still awaited. So I pressed play and was immediately transported to the world of the best worst movie ever made. A few weeks later, I bought my own copy of Troll/Troll 2.
It's hard to really describe what makes Troll 2 such a fun train wreck of a movie to watch. It really just has to be experienced. There are three types of bad movies, I reckon. The first type is bad because it's boring, insultingly simple minded, and made with zero ambition or desire to be anything more than a cash grab. All of the "_ Movie" movies fall into this category; Date Movie, Epic Movie, Superhero Movie, etc. The second type is bad because it's just not at all entertaining or interesting. I would place The Happening into this category. The third type of bad movie was made with the best of intentions that just didn't pan out, for whatever reason. Plan Nine From Outer Space, Santa Claus Conquers the Martians, Coven, and of course Troll 2 fall into this category. They all have a sense of charming ineptitude, whether it's in the directing, the writing, the acting, the corners cut due to ultra low budget, overall inexperience, etc. You want to pat these movies on the head and send them to bed with a glass of water, as The Grinch did to adorable little Cindy-Lou Who. They're misguided labors of love, and you find yourself laughing both at them as well as with them, only they don't really quite get the joke.
That was a rather long-winded lead up to the point of this post, which is to discuss the movie Best Worst Movie. Best Worst Movie is a documentary about Troll 2 and the cultural impact it has had. The interesting thing about Best Worst Movie, right off the bat, is that it was directed by the child actor who starred in Troll 2. He's in on the joke. He gets that it's a terrible movie that's hopelessly lovable. He gets why it was never released to theaters, and why there hasn't been a Troll 3 yet. But nobody involved seemed to know that the movie they filmed was called Troll 2, or that it had been release on home video.
That's because the movie was originally called Goblin, and there are zero Trolls in Troll 2. It has nothing to do with Troll part one. Not even an incling of a connection to the original story. No returning characters, no returning actors... The trolls in Troll 2 are goblins, not trolls; a continuity and logic error to end all continuity and logic errors. What's better, the director of Troll 2 doesn't seem to understand that calling the movie Troll 2, while calling the creatures goblins instead of trolls, is even a problem. It's lost in translation, as the writer's and director's, and most of the filming crew's native tongue is Italian, not English. As such, the actors had a difficult time understanding the little direction they were actually given. And the directors didn't understand when the actors had trouble with a line that was mind-blowingly stilted and unnatural, such as "Elliot is not my beau! He's my boyfriend and he told me last night that he loves me and that he wanted to come on this trip with me and my family."
Best Worst Movie starts off by catching up with Dr. George Hardy, who played the father character in Troll 2. He's an instantly likable man, with a smile as wide as the ocean, and a genuine love for life and people. His acting past is long behind him, and he's settled into his role as a dentist and small town hero, but he still has a little taste for flair and showmanship left in his heart. He straps on roller blades and dresses up in costumes for the town parade every year. His character in Troll 2 is beloved for an entirely different reason. Mostly, it's because he has some of the most insanely incomprehensible lines, my favorite being "Tightening my belt one loop so that I don't feel hunger pains, and your sister and mother will have to do likewise. Okay, Joshua. You wanna get rough with me? You wanna show me that you don't like the choice of this house for our vacation by going on a hunger strike? Well, I'll accept the challenge. But just remember when I was your age, I really did suffer from hunger. We'll see who gets through this, but just remember I've got more practice than you. I'll see you tomorrow." Even taken in context, it's completely illogical. He's punishing his son for ruining dinner. You think he's reaching for his belt to beat his son with it. No. He's reaching for it to tighten it as an act of defiance against his son's behavior, which he has interpreted as a protest against a boring vacation and a challenge to see who can go the longest without eating... which he knows he'll win, since he starved as a child... and tightening his belt is the only way to circumvent the hunger pains of a hunger strike... That doesn't make a lick of sense in any language.
Next, we catch up with the other main cast members, one by one. They all seem to have pretty much the same story; they were surprised to learn that the movie was called Troll 2, and that it had been released at all, and their first viewing was full of shame and regret, and they've tried to forget about it all these years. What brings them all together again is the discovery of the new fan base the movie has received now. It's the definition of a cult classic. People had small scale viewing parties, and it spread like wildfire. Pretty soon, they were invited to take part in panel discussions and special screenings that sold out night after night in the U.S. It's all very upbeat, and it makes you proud to be a fan of Troll 2. And then you catch up with some of the lesser characters, and Best Worst Movie takes a darker turn.
It turns out, Troll 2 has had a profound impact on some of its stars. The actor who played Grandpa is now retired and lonely. And from the looks of it, he's a borderline hoarder filled with regret. But he's still as likable as he was in the movie, which makes it even more difficult to learn that he's alone and feels like he wasted his life. The actress who played the mother character has become a paranoid recluse, who may or may not hear voices. The actor who played the town shop keep is a recovering mental patient. He admits that at the time of filming Troll 2, he was an avid pot smoker, and he basically dreamed about killing the child actor because he hated him so much. Shit just got real.
Then we're introduced to the director and the writer of Troll 2. The director is either egotistical beyond belief, or in some serious denial. He really seems to believe that he created the ultimate allegory for the human spirit and the human condition with Troll 2, and that those who enjoy the film are deeply connected to the important issues explored throughout the film. The writer, his wife, believes that her tale of goblins who convert people into plants in order to consume them as an alternate to toxin and cholesterol-filled meat products, is a scathing condemnation of vegetarians, whose dietary practices she found personally insulting at the time. Even though... they eat people... which is still a carnivorous behavior, even if they're partially converted to plants... and it's never explained why people-plants are required, instead of, say, plant-plants... The director believes that the actors and fans are just simply too dumb to completely understand his vision when they laugh at lines like "Joshua is not a little shit; he's just very sensitive," or the actors relay tales of receiving incomplete scripts, and never fully understanding the concept behind the story, or being told to go upstairs when they're outside... in the woods...
All of the fame and praise the cast has received in the U.S. went completely out the window as they embarked on a misguided and ill-advised international convention appearance. There were about 6 people at the screening, instead of a sold-out crowd, and zero autograph requests. The horror convention didn't fare much better, with George wandering around taking in horror fan culture and dental habits research instead of fan love. It all ends on a somewhat uplifting note, with most of the main actors seemingly coming to understand, embrace and appreciate their status as cult movie icons, at least in select markets. It invigorated the desire to try again at an acting career for many of them, and I came out of watching the movie with the hope that those who love the movie for what it is will continue to give the key players just enough praise for them to feel proud of making a fun movie despite itself. It did leave me wanting a bit more though, as not every main cast member was interviewed, and a bit too much time was spent focusing on Dr. George. Then again, maybe more of that is covered in the special features of the dvd, assuming there are any, or perhaps in the special 20th anniversary edition of Troll 2, which I don't yet own.
I still hope to attend one of the screenings at some point, but short of that, Best Worst Movie is a great reminder of why Troll 2 is so much fun to love, and why I proudly own the anniversary set of Attack of the Killer Tomatoes on dvd, with the collector mini movie poster intact.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
What Do Beavis and Butthead, Revenge of the Nerds, and Horror Movies Have In Common?
Black Christmas (1974), My Bloody Valentine (1981), Revenge of the Nerds (1984), Revenge of the Nerds III (1992), Revenge of the Nerds IV (1994), Beavis and Butthead (1993-1997). What do they all have in common? Well, for one, I watched them all over the weekend, and they're all on Netflix instant watch. Sadly, and strangely, Revenge of the Nerds II: Nerds In Paradise is not, so I'll never know what happens to the little nerdlings while in paradise. But there are other similarities. Black Christmas and My Bloody Valentine have been remade into modern horror films. I haven't seen either, but reportedly, they're not so good. Beavis and Butthead are supposedly going to come back to MTV as well with new episodes. And given the trend lately of remaking anything and everything, a Revenge of the nerds reboot isn't too far fetched. But though they may try, and though they have tried, they just don't make 'em like they used to.
Black Christmas is a bit of a slow burn. Truth be told, it's a little boring in parts, and the kills are infrequent and mostly off-camera. Nevertheless, what it lacks in gore, it makes up for in ambiance and suspense. The killer's motive is never clearly revealed, nor is his identity, and the twist ending is more intriguing than a 70's horror movie really has the right to be. They don't make horror like that anymore. Now, suspense is usually defined as the time between ear-piercing sonic booms used to create cheap jump scares. Ambiance is created through dizzying quick cuts and flashy music video effects. (See the Nightmare On Elm Street Remake. Or rather, don't...)
My Bloody Valentine leaves you guessing as well. It's a mystery slasher, with a killer dressed head to toe in miner's gear; his face completely concealed under an oxygen mask, making his breathing part of the ambiance and suspense. The remake had boobies and 3-d pickaxes instead of suspense.
The Revenge of the Nerds movies combined comedy with an anti-stereotyping message. Granted, that message was watered down further and further with the sequels, to the point where part IV became nerds vs. yuppies. Then again, in order to present an anti-stereotyping message, they used stereotypes. Big time. From the meat headed, hate filled, short-fused football team, to the flamboyantly gay character of Lamar, complete with limp wrist and high pitched voice, to the football coach who's only concern in life is his image, which he upholds vicariously by leading the cool kids and throwing his weight around with the administration, and of course the nerds with their bad hygiene, love for technology, goofy mismatched clothes and nasally laughs. If they do remake Revenge of the Nerds, they'll have to face political correctness, which is gloriously absent from the original. More to the point, nerdom is en vogue now. Football players are looked down upon more than nerds are. And football players touching the hearts of their peers and earning their sympathy and respect doesn't seem likely.
And Beavis and Butthead... Well, it might still work. I can't conceptualize what the characters will do, assuming they've grown up since the original series. If they're the same, i.e. still in high school, still slackers, still amused by sexual puns and fart jokes, still working fast food and still under 21, it runs the risk of getting old. After all, Mike Judge decided to stop the show because he couldn't think of what they'd do after high school. Either he's had an epiphany, or it'll be more of the same. That's not so bad really, as I'm a fan of the show, but we've all grown up and matured. If the characters haven't, a new generation may come to appreciate them, but the long time fans might drop out. Re-watching the old episodes on Netflix accomplished two things: It reminded me how good the show was, when it was a complete episode, with music video commentary, and I was the right age to relate to the characters, as I too was immature and amused by dumb jokes and heavy metal videos, and it made me wish I had been smart enough to record the episodes from tv back in the day, as they'll never be released in their complete form due to all of the legal hoops involved. The best parts of the show, frankly, were the music video commentaries. They were all improvised, and they were often the funniest parts of an otherwise so-so episode. But oddly enough, when artists are made fun of, they're not as likely to agree to allowing their music videos to be used in the home video releases. And if they are, they expect monetary compensation.
They don't make 'em like they used to. But at least there's still nostalgia.
Black Christmas is a bit of a slow burn. Truth be told, it's a little boring in parts, and the kills are infrequent and mostly off-camera. Nevertheless, what it lacks in gore, it makes up for in ambiance and suspense. The killer's motive is never clearly revealed, nor is his identity, and the twist ending is more intriguing than a 70's horror movie really has the right to be. They don't make horror like that anymore. Now, suspense is usually defined as the time between ear-piercing sonic booms used to create cheap jump scares. Ambiance is created through dizzying quick cuts and flashy music video effects. (See the Nightmare On Elm Street Remake. Or rather, don't...)
My Bloody Valentine leaves you guessing as well. It's a mystery slasher, with a killer dressed head to toe in miner's gear; his face completely concealed under an oxygen mask, making his breathing part of the ambiance and suspense. The remake had boobies and 3-d pickaxes instead of suspense.
The Revenge of the Nerds movies combined comedy with an anti-stereotyping message. Granted, that message was watered down further and further with the sequels, to the point where part IV became nerds vs. yuppies. Then again, in order to present an anti-stereotyping message, they used stereotypes. Big time. From the meat headed, hate filled, short-fused football team, to the flamboyantly gay character of Lamar, complete with limp wrist and high pitched voice, to the football coach who's only concern in life is his image, which he upholds vicariously by leading the cool kids and throwing his weight around with the administration, and of course the nerds with their bad hygiene, love for technology, goofy mismatched clothes and nasally laughs. If they do remake Revenge of the Nerds, they'll have to face political correctness, which is gloriously absent from the original. More to the point, nerdom is en vogue now. Football players are looked down upon more than nerds are. And football players touching the hearts of their peers and earning their sympathy and respect doesn't seem likely.
And Beavis and Butthead... Well, it might still work. I can't conceptualize what the characters will do, assuming they've grown up since the original series. If they're the same, i.e. still in high school, still slackers, still amused by sexual puns and fart jokes, still working fast food and still under 21, it runs the risk of getting old. After all, Mike Judge decided to stop the show because he couldn't think of what they'd do after high school. Either he's had an epiphany, or it'll be more of the same. That's not so bad really, as I'm a fan of the show, but we've all grown up and matured. If the characters haven't, a new generation may come to appreciate them, but the long time fans might drop out. Re-watching the old episodes on Netflix accomplished two things: It reminded me how good the show was, when it was a complete episode, with music video commentary, and I was the right age to relate to the characters, as I too was immature and amused by dumb jokes and heavy metal videos, and it made me wish I had been smart enough to record the episodes from tv back in the day, as they'll never be released in their complete form due to all of the legal hoops involved. The best parts of the show, frankly, were the music video commentaries. They were all improvised, and they were often the funniest parts of an otherwise so-so episode. But oddly enough, when artists are made fun of, they're not as likely to agree to allowing their music videos to be used in the home video releases. And if they are, they expect monetary compensation.
They don't make 'em like they used to. But at least there's still nostalgia.
Thursday, November 11, 2010
In Defense of: Carnival of Chaos
I wanted to write a review of the new Gwar album, Bloody Pit of Horror, but alas, I haven't received it yet. Which I don't understand. I pre-ordered it months ago. It came out in stores on Tuesday. Granted, it takes time to ship things, and it's only Thursday. And if I wanted it that badly, I could get it online for $10 or so, or walk virtually across the street to Best Buy and get a physical copy for probably around $13. But I paid $20 for it from the band's website, because pre-ordering guarantees me a copy, the money will likely go to the band mostly, and pre-ordering gets me a signed lithograph. I just feel like if you pre-order something, you're proving that you're a true fan. And as such, you should get your copy when the stores get theirs. I assume that they're all manufactured and shipped out at nearly the same time to the few remaining retail outlets. Can't you set aside a box for the pre-orders and make sure they're sent out the same time? Anyway, since I don't have new Gwar to review, I'll review old Gwar instead; namely their 1997 album Carnival of Chaos.
Carnival of Chaos makes for a good "In Defense of" post, because many Gwar fans dislike this album. Some cite it as their least favorite Gwar album, claiming that it's too commercial and unfocused musically. Calling Gwar commercial is a huge oxymoron. They'll never be completely commercial. Perhaps they're becoming more accessible to a wider audience, but you're still not likely to hear Gwar on standard radio (unless it's their misguided, label-demanded, and pointless cover of Alice Cooper's School's Out...). Their lyrics are pretty vulgar. Not so much from a profanity standpoint, although they're not afraid of four letter words, but more from a content standpoint. For example, they have songs called "Fucking An Animal," "Preschool Prostitute," "Baby Raper," "Penis I See," etc. They wear thongs and simulate violent acts in their stage show, and they're in direct opposition to Richmond's oft conservative leanings. That's one of the things that endears Gwar to many fans; they represent an aspect of society that others are quick to dismiss, decry, or just ignore. And they do so in an amusing, and very entertaining manner. At it's heart, Gwar's music is a combination of vaudeville, social satire and comic book fantasy, with bits of sophomoric humor and filth added for good taste. or maybe bad taste...
Carnival of Chaos is one of Gwar's most experimental albums, ranging from their usual unique blend of punk rock and metal to a lounge singer ballad, an a country rockabilly track. "Experimental" is always polarizing for music fans, because usually fans want more of the same things that they've always liked, but they also want new material. It's a catch 22, and it's frankly stereotypical. An artist can't evolve without experimentation. Yet if they stray too far from the classic formula, fans pull out their pitchforks and torches. Prior to Carnival of Chaos, Gwar's albums were pretty similar stylistically. Their first album, 1988's Hell-O, is their most straight forward punk rock influenced album. After that, their focus shifted more toward a blending of punk rock and heavy metal. While they've always experimented with various styles within their songs, Carnival of Chaos is the most diverse utilization of multiple styles. I can understand why some fans would see that as being unfocused, but I think it shows just how talented and diverse they are as musicians. On the same album, they pulled off punk rock, metal, country, lounge, 80's pop, classic rock, and other genres.
The lineup on Carnival of Chaos was Gwar in their prime, in my opinion. Dave Brockie as lead singer Oderus Urungus, Casey Orr as bassist Beefcake the Mighty, Peter Lee as guitarist Flattus Maximus, Michael Derks as guitarist Balsac the Jaws of Death, Brad Roberts as drummer Jizmak Da Gusha, Danielle Stampe as female vocalist Slymentra Hymen, and Hunter Jackson as Techno Destructo. Lee, Stampe and Jackson eventually left the band, and they've been different ever since. Not bad, but different. Carnival of Chaos is one of Gwar's most playful albums. They're not taking themselves too seriously here, and really when you've been dressing up as a space alien rock band and "decapitating" crude paper mache representations of celebrities, politicians and giant space creatures and spraying countless audiences with a stage blood concoction since 1985, how could you take yourself completely seriously? The humor here is very tongue in cheek, and at times self-referential, like in the song Letter From the Scallop Boat, in which Oderus sing-reads a letter from a Gwar fan in jail for killing his wife's adulterous lover. The fan asks if Gwar is really from Antarctica and if they just keep their slaves in Richmond. Originally, Gwar claimed that they were from Antarctica, as part of an origin story that has changed and evolved throughout the years. Eventually, people got hip to their real identities, and the fact that they're Richmonders, and nobody really buys the origin story anymore, but they still play with the concept in their albums. The potty humor would get the best of Gwar, and they took it too far over the top with their next album, We Kill Everything. But on Carnival of Chaos, it's used to good effect.
Carnival of Chaos is, perhaps, Gwar's most accessible album. But accessible doesn't mean commercial, in my opinion. Frankly, their earlier albums such as Hell-O can be a bit challenging to take in. And the humor is usually really crude, and probably offensive to most. Here, it's more obviously a joke and a satire. Even the more risque songs, like Preschool Prostitute are obviously not meant to be taken seriously when listened to with the rest of the album. Admittedly, at times the joke toes the line between clever and stupid, especially on the album opener Penguin Attack, a song about killer mutant penguins. But songs like Hate Love Songs, sung by bassist Casey Orr, uses subtle humor and sarcasm to great effect. It's the perfect anti-Valentine's Day song. Carnival of Chaos really feels like a collaborative effort, with Jackson, Stampe and Orr getting the opportunity to be lead singers on entire songs, instead of just background vocals. The band seems to be a cohesive unit here. I get the sense that they enjoyed themselves with this album. Gwar's popularity had wained a bit prior to Carnival of Chaos, and it seems like they were more focused on writing songs that they wanted to write, as opposed to trying to write another Saddam A-Go-Go (their biggest hit.)
All in all, Carnival of Chaos is a great primer for those curious about Gwar. It's easy to digest, with the elements that make Gwar Gwar still in place. It's also their longest album, which means more bang for the buck. It's an oft overlooked entry in their catalogue, and deserving of far less vitriol, and far more praise than it has received. Stand-out tracks: Hate Love Songs, Don't Need a Man, Back to Iraq, The Private Pain of Techno Destructo, Sex Cow.
Carnival of Chaos makes for a good "In Defense of" post, because many Gwar fans dislike this album. Some cite it as their least favorite Gwar album, claiming that it's too commercial and unfocused musically. Calling Gwar commercial is a huge oxymoron. They'll never be completely commercial. Perhaps they're becoming more accessible to a wider audience, but you're still not likely to hear Gwar on standard radio (unless it's their misguided, label-demanded, and pointless cover of Alice Cooper's School's Out...). Their lyrics are pretty vulgar. Not so much from a profanity standpoint, although they're not afraid of four letter words, but more from a content standpoint. For example, they have songs called "Fucking An Animal," "Preschool Prostitute," "Baby Raper," "Penis I See," etc. They wear thongs and simulate violent acts in their stage show, and they're in direct opposition to Richmond's oft conservative leanings. That's one of the things that endears Gwar to many fans; they represent an aspect of society that others are quick to dismiss, decry, or just ignore. And they do so in an amusing, and very entertaining manner. At it's heart, Gwar's music is a combination of vaudeville, social satire and comic book fantasy, with bits of sophomoric humor and filth added for good taste. or maybe bad taste...
Carnival of Chaos is one of Gwar's most experimental albums, ranging from their usual unique blend of punk rock and metal to a lounge singer ballad, an a country rockabilly track. "Experimental" is always polarizing for music fans, because usually fans want more of the same things that they've always liked, but they also want new material. It's a catch 22, and it's frankly stereotypical. An artist can't evolve without experimentation. Yet if they stray too far from the classic formula, fans pull out their pitchforks and torches. Prior to Carnival of Chaos, Gwar's albums were pretty similar stylistically. Their first album, 1988's Hell-O, is their most straight forward punk rock influenced album. After that, their focus shifted more toward a blending of punk rock and heavy metal. While they've always experimented with various styles within their songs, Carnival of Chaos is the most diverse utilization of multiple styles. I can understand why some fans would see that as being unfocused, but I think it shows just how talented and diverse they are as musicians. On the same album, they pulled off punk rock, metal, country, lounge, 80's pop, classic rock, and other genres.
The lineup on Carnival of Chaos was Gwar in their prime, in my opinion. Dave Brockie as lead singer Oderus Urungus, Casey Orr as bassist Beefcake the Mighty, Peter Lee as guitarist Flattus Maximus, Michael Derks as guitarist Balsac the Jaws of Death, Brad Roberts as drummer Jizmak Da Gusha, Danielle Stampe as female vocalist Slymentra Hymen, and Hunter Jackson as Techno Destructo. Lee, Stampe and Jackson eventually left the band, and they've been different ever since. Not bad, but different. Carnival of Chaos is one of Gwar's most playful albums. They're not taking themselves too seriously here, and really when you've been dressing up as a space alien rock band and "decapitating" crude paper mache representations of celebrities, politicians and giant space creatures and spraying countless audiences with a stage blood concoction since 1985, how could you take yourself completely seriously? The humor here is very tongue in cheek, and at times self-referential, like in the song Letter From the Scallop Boat, in which Oderus sing-reads a letter from a Gwar fan in jail for killing his wife's adulterous lover. The fan asks if Gwar is really from Antarctica and if they just keep their slaves in Richmond. Originally, Gwar claimed that they were from Antarctica, as part of an origin story that has changed and evolved throughout the years. Eventually, people got hip to their real identities, and the fact that they're Richmonders, and nobody really buys the origin story anymore, but they still play with the concept in their albums. The potty humor would get the best of Gwar, and they took it too far over the top with their next album, We Kill Everything. But on Carnival of Chaos, it's used to good effect.
Carnival of Chaos is, perhaps, Gwar's most accessible album. But accessible doesn't mean commercial, in my opinion. Frankly, their earlier albums such as Hell-O can be a bit challenging to take in. And the humor is usually really crude, and probably offensive to most. Here, it's more obviously a joke and a satire. Even the more risque songs, like Preschool Prostitute are obviously not meant to be taken seriously when listened to with the rest of the album. Admittedly, at times the joke toes the line between clever and stupid, especially on the album opener Penguin Attack, a song about killer mutant penguins. But songs like Hate Love Songs, sung by bassist Casey Orr, uses subtle humor and sarcasm to great effect. It's the perfect anti-Valentine's Day song. Carnival of Chaos really feels like a collaborative effort, with Jackson, Stampe and Orr getting the opportunity to be lead singers on entire songs, instead of just background vocals. The band seems to be a cohesive unit here. I get the sense that they enjoyed themselves with this album. Gwar's popularity had wained a bit prior to Carnival of Chaos, and it seems like they were more focused on writing songs that they wanted to write, as opposed to trying to write another Saddam A-Go-Go (their biggest hit.)
All in all, Carnival of Chaos is a great primer for those curious about Gwar. It's easy to digest, with the elements that make Gwar Gwar still in place. It's also their longest album, which means more bang for the buck. It's an oft overlooked entry in their catalogue, and deserving of far less vitriol, and far more praise than it has received. Stand-out tracks: Hate Love Songs, Don't Need a Man, Back to Iraq, The Private Pain of Techno Destructo, Sex Cow.
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Mangorilla Music Picks: #1
Today I watched a documentary called "I Need That Record!" It's about the death of independent record stores in the wake of file sharing websites, legal MP3s, and super stores like Wal-Mart and Best Buy. It was hard to watch, because several of my favorite independent record stores around town have shut down over the years. First it was a store called Soundhole. It was a short drive from my house, and they specialized in punk rock and heavy metal, which happens to be my two favorite genres of music. You could walk in and hear Crisis blasting on the store sound system. Their used cd section was always well stocked, and I bought most of my Meat Puppets albums there. I also scored a free cool Radiohead banner from their "Take it! We don't want it!" box. Then the store moved further away, replaced by a tobacco store. But the new store was still reasonably close, thankfully. And then they folded. And now it's a pool supply store. Then there's Plan Nine Records. They used to have a store almost within walking distance from my house, and I was there very often. I applied for a job there every summer, but they never hired me. I spent hours there. It was my Mecca. Then, it went away. Now, it's a maternity clothing store. Thankfully, they still have the main Richmond shop open, but that's a hassle to get to at times, because it's about a 25 minute drive, and parking downtown isn't so great. And it's mostly used vinyl now, with the used cd section growing smaller and smaller. There was also a store in Williamsburg, which was nice because I found myself in Williamsburg pretty often. Then that store moved across the street, and wasn't nearly as good. And now, it's gone. And it's all really sad to me, because I had great times in independent music stores, and great finds. I found a copy of the Death Piggy album for $7. It sells on eBay for $25 or more. And I will always prefer physical media over digital media. You can't display your hard drive collection. But more importantly, I was introduced to great music that otherwise doesn't get noticed, as it's too old, or too obscure to get mainstream notice. That was the beauty of independent record stores; they often ignored trends and top 40 lists. They were run by music fans, for music fans. Best Buy clerks don't give a crap what music you like. And if you ask if they have any Boozoo Chavis, they'll likely blink at you and direct you to the refrigerators.
Which brings me to the point of this post. I could rant about the current state of the entertainment industry, but I won't. Suffice to say, we really should support the local flavor, before it's extinct. Don't go to McDonald's; find a cool local burger joint instead. Don't go to Pizza Hut; go to the mom and pop Italian restaurant. And if you're lucky enough to still have one, go to the mom and pop video store, or record store when you can. No, the point of this post is to recommend some good songs that you may not have heard before.
1. Coffin Break -- Kill The President. I literally discovered this band's existence yesterday. I watched a documentary called "Hype" about the grunge scene of Seattle in the early 90's. That's my generation, so naturally I love that music. Nirvana, Mudhoney, Pearl Jam, Alice In Chains, Soundgarden, Tad, etc. But naturally, there are plenty of bands that I missed from that era, and Coffin Break was one of them. It's a misleading song, which is what I love about it. It starts off sounding like a hardcore punk song, and the vocalist indeed is a shirtless, shaved headed behemoth reminiscent of the lead singer of the Cro-Mags. Then the tone changes, and he sings "I'm so happy." Frankly, I love this song right now.
2. The Pogues -- Fairytale of New York. I'm a sucker for controversial music, so I did an internet search for banned songs, and I discovered this one. Apparently it was banned by the BBC, basically for the words whore and faggot. The Pogues are a band that I need to delve into more deeply, as I'm a fan of Irish and Irish-tinged music, but somehow I don't own any Pogues albums yet. Fairytale of New York is a love song for a dysfunctional relationship, which really is the only type of love song New York should have. It's brilliant.
3. Jonathan Coulton -- Code Monkey. Nerd bliss. This song was used for the theme song of the gone before it's time cartoon, Code Monkeys. I loved that show. It was a cartoon in the style of an old Nintendo game, with the characters losing health from their heart health bar when they got hit by something, and jumping over pits to get to meetings. Anyhow, it made me want to look up this song, and I'm glad I did, because it's brilliant. It should be the anthem for anyone stuck working in a cubicle.
4. The Clash -- Straight to Hell. I'm not a gigantic Clash fan, but I definitely respect them. This song is from the album Combat Rock, which is the one I offered to the disinterested (and obviously misguided) youngster at the vinyl record yard sale. When he passed on it, I snatched it up, partly because it has this song on it. To me, this song is a hidden gem on that album; overshadowed by the hits Should I Stay or Should I Go and Rock the Casbah. It's one of their mellow songs, and isn't very punk rock in the stereotypical sense of the term. It's slow, and there's no guitar chords. But there's a ton of passion and frustration in Joe Strummer's voice here, and it's better than Rock the Casbah, in my opinion.
5. Aerosmith -- Critical Mass. I've become somewhat obsessed with early Aerosmith lately. They really haven't recorded much worth listening to since the Get a Grip album in my opinion (or the Pump album, according to most long time fans), and with Steven Tyler signed on to American Idol now, their future is pretty uncertain. But those early albums, Aerosmith, Get Your Wings, Draw the Line, and Rocks in particular, are classics. Critical Mass is a reminder of why they were ever considered to be a great band.
6. The Dollyrots -- A Brand New Key. Finally, a new band to be excited about. I picked up their Because I'm Awesome album after listening to a few podcasts praising the band, and it's some of the best music I've heard in a long time. Heavy and catchy, which is really all I ask for. Because I'm Awesome is probably an easier song to digest at first, but A Brand New Key is my favorite from this album, though every song is good.
7. Johnny Cash -- Straight A's In Love. I found a Johnny Cash box set at a wholesale bookstore, of all places. I have a few Johnny Cash albums, but I need more. He's the one exception to any "I don't like country" statement. I love serious, dark, brooding and somewhat depressing Johnny Cash stuff like Man In Black and his cover of Nine Inch Nails' Closer, but he had a playful side as well that's just as good. That's why I like this song so much. He rhymes "say" with "algebra." What more is there to love?
8. Ky-Mani Marley -- Warriors. I heard this song while in the Bahamas on my honeymoon. A vendor at the beach was playing it on his laptop. So maybe it has time and place memory nostalgic value, but I think it's a good song regardless. And I'm certainly not a big hip hop fan. I own maybe 5 hip hop albums total. So it's rare when a song pokes through and impresses me. But it's a Marley. You really can't go wrong with that last name when it comes to Reggae infused hip hop.
9. Les Paul & Mary Ford -- How High the Moon. Les Paul pretty much invented the quintessential rock and roll guitar. And he played live well into his 90's. Also invented the double tracking recording process. And he was an amazing guitar player. How High the Moon is a prime example of his playing abilities. Classic rockabilly, before rockabilly was even in our lexicon.
10. Meat Puppets -- Blanket of Weeds. I will not rest until at least one other person I know is at least somewhat appreciative of the Meat Puppets. Not all of their albums are great, I'll admit. Their first album is, in fact, pretty much unlistenable. But Sewn Together, their most recent album to date, is fantastic. Their playing and singing has never been better. There's not a single throw away or bad song on the album. Blanket of Weeds is one of the best, and a good introduction to the band for newcomers. If I could, I would give everyone I know a copy of Sewn Together. I stand behind it that strongly.
11. Proverbial -- Down Here. Ok, so this one is a bit self-serving. Full disclosure, my wife's aunt's nephew (so her second cousin, or something along those lines...) plays in the band. Even so, they're amazing, and before long, they'll be well known. They're already making a big splash in the local scene. And they're some of the most original sounding music I've heard in a very long time, mixing hip hop with reggae, soul, and guitar rock. If you can catch a Proverbial show, do so.
12. Sleater-Kinney -- Entertain. I first heard this song on the Henry Rollins Show. I love all-girl rock bands, and Sleater-Kinney were one of the best in recent times. It doesn't hurt that they were on Sub Pop records, one of my favorite labels. Unfortunately, they're split up now. But I can still hope for a reunion someday.
13. Sonic Youth -- Schizophrenia. Hard to pick just one Sonic Youth song. They've quickly become one of my favorite bands. But Schizophrenia is a good representation of what the band is all about. Mangled guitar tunings and monotone spoken word interludes abound, yet somehow it all works, when it really shouldn't.
14. Toshiyuki Honda -- El Bombero. I am not an anime fan. Nor am I a J-Pop fan. But I watched Metropolis not too long ago, and found myself enjoying it, which is the true sign of a good anime, if even I like it. This song stuck with me. It was one of the most unique songs I've ever heard. Frantic free form jazz mixed with techno elements, and somehow still very rocking and catchy. It won't be for everyone, but if you're looking for new sounds, look no further.
15. Thin Lizzy -- Running Back. Thin Lizzy are best known for their anthem rockers like The Boys Are Back In Town, and now Bad Reputation, thanks to the Guitar Hero games. But they also wrote great ballads. Running Back is one of the best. Phil Lynott was taken from us too soon.
16. Young @ Heart Chorus -- Fix You. Young @ Heart is a fantastic documentary about a group of nursing home residents who formed a chorus and toured playing stripped down and altered versions of modern rock songs. It's inspiring and heart breaking, and overall really powerful. I highly, highly recommend the documentary. This is their rendition of the Coldplay song Fix You, and it's so much better than the original. After watching the movie, it'll break your heart. But as a stand alone, out of context, it's just a hauntingly beautiful song. I find it also makes for a great last song to a mix tape, or cd as it were.
Anyway, that's an hour's worth of music right there. And you're bound to find at least one song here that you'll love. At the very least, have mercy on your beloved hairy host and check out that Meat Puppets song. Have good mosh pitting.
Which brings me to the point of this post. I could rant about the current state of the entertainment industry, but I won't. Suffice to say, we really should support the local flavor, before it's extinct. Don't go to McDonald's; find a cool local burger joint instead. Don't go to Pizza Hut; go to the mom and pop Italian restaurant. And if you're lucky enough to still have one, go to the mom and pop video store, or record store when you can. No, the point of this post is to recommend some good songs that you may not have heard before.
1. Coffin Break -- Kill The President. I literally discovered this band's existence yesterday. I watched a documentary called "Hype" about the grunge scene of Seattle in the early 90's. That's my generation, so naturally I love that music. Nirvana, Mudhoney, Pearl Jam, Alice In Chains, Soundgarden, Tad, etc. But naturally, there are plenty of bands that I missed from that era, and Coffin Break was one of them. It's a misleading song, which is what I love about it. It starts off sounding like a hardcore punk song, and the vocalist indeed is a shirtless, shaved headed behemoth reminiscent of the lead singer of the Cro-Mags. Then the tone changes, and he sings "I'm so happy." Frankly, I love this song right now.
2. The Pogues -- Fairytale of New York. I'm a sucker for controversial music, so I did an internet search for banned songs, and I discovered this one. Apparently it was banned by the BBC, basically for the words whore and faggot. The Pogues are a band that I need to delve into more deeply, as I'm a fan of Irish and Irish-tinged music, but somehow I don't own any Pogues albums yet. Fairytale of New York is a love song for a dysfunctional relationship, which really is the only type of love song New York should have. It's brilliant.
3. Jonathan Coulton -- Code Monkey. Nerd bliss. This song was used for the theme song of the gone before it's time cartoon, Code Monkeys. I loved that show. It was a cartoon in the style of an old Nintendo game, with the characters losing health from their heart health bar when they got hit by something, and jumping over pits to get to meetings. Anyhow, it made me want to look up this song, and I'm glad I did, because it's brilliant. It should be the anthem for anyone stuck working in a cubicle.
4. The Clash -- Straight to Hell. I'm not a gigantic Clash fan, but I definitely respect them. This song is from the album Combat Rock, which is the one I offered to the disinterested (and obviously misguided) youngster at the vinyl record yard sale. When he passed on it, I snatched it up, partly because it has this song on it. To me, this song is a hidden gem on that album; overshadowed by the hits Should I Stay or Should I Go and Rock the Casbah. It's one of their mellow songs, and isn't very punk rock in the stereotypical sense of the term. It's slow, and there's no guitar chords. But there's a ton of passion and frustration in Joe Strummer's voice here, and it's better than Rock the Casbah, in my opinion.
5. Aerosmith -- Critical Mass. I've become somewhat obsessed with early Aerosmith lately. They really haven't recorded much worth listening to since the Get a Grip album in my opinion (or the Pump album, according to most long time fans), and with Steven Tyler signed on to American Idol now, their future is pretty uncertain. But those early albums, Aerosmith, Get Your Wings, Draw the Line, and Rocks in particular, are classics. Critical Mass is a reminder of why they were ever considered to be a great band.
6. The Dollyrots -- A Brand New Key. Finally, a new band to be excited about. I picked up their Because I'm Awesome album after listening to a few podcasts praising the band, and it's some of the best music I've heard in a long time. Heavy and catchy, which is really all I ask for. Because I'm Awesome is probably an easier song to digest at first, but A Brand New Key is my favorite from this album, though every song is good.
7. Johnny Cash -- Straight A's In Love. I found a Johnny Cash box set at a wholesale bookstore, of all places. I have a few Johnny Cash albums, but I need more. He's the one exception to any "I don't like country" statement. I love serious, dark, brooding and somewhat depressing Johnny Cash stuff like Man In Black and his cover of Nine Inch Nails' Closer, but he had a playful side as well that's just as good. That's why I like this song so much. He rhymes "say" with "algebra." What more is there to love?
8. Ky-Mani Marley -- Warriors. I heard this song while in the Bahamas on my honeymoon. A vendor at the beach was playing it on his laptop. So maybe it has time and place memory nostalgic value, but I think it's a good song regardless. And I'm certainly not a big hip hop fan. I own maybe 5 hip hop albums total. So it's rare when a song pokes through and impresses me. But it's a Marley. You really can't go wrong with that last name when it comes to Reggae infused hip hop.
9. Les Paul & Mary Ford -- How High the Moon. Les Paul pretty much invented the quintessential rock and roll guitar. And he played live well into his 90's. Also invented the double tracking recording process. And he was an amazing guitar player. How High the Moon is a prime example of his playing abilities. Classic rockabilly, before rockabilly was even in our lexicon.
10. Meat Puppets -- Blanket of Weeds. I will not rest until at least one other person I know is at least somewhat appreciative of the Meat Puppets. Not all of their albums are great, I'll admit. Their first album is, in fact, pretty much unlistenable. But Sewn Together, their most recent album to date, is fantastic. Their playing and singing has never been better. There's not a single throw away or bad song on the album. Blanket of Weeds is one of the best, and a good introduction to the band for newcomers. If I could, I would give everyone I know a copy of Sewn Together. I stand behind it that strongly.
11. Proverbial -- Down Here. Ok, so this one is a bit self-serving. Full disclosure, my wife's aunt's nephew (so her second cousin, or something along those lines...) plays in the band. Even so, they're amazing, and before long, they'll be well known. They're already making a big splash in the local scene. And they're some of the most original sounding music I've heard in a very long time, mixing hip hop with reggae, soul, and guitar rock. If you can catch a Proverbial show, do so.
12. Sleater-Kinney -- Entertain. I first heard this song on the Henry Rollins Show. I love all-girl rock bands, and Sleater-Kinney were one of the best in recent times. It doesn't hurt that they were on Sub Pop records, one of my favorite labels. Unfortunately, they're split up now. But I can still hope for a reunion someday.
13. Sonic Youth -- Schizophrenia. Hard to pick just one Sonic Youth song. They've quickly become one of my favorite bands. But Schizophrenia is a good representation of what the band is all about. Mangled guitar tunings and monotone spoken word interludes abound, yet somehow it all works, when it really shouldn't.
14. Toshiyuki Honda -- El Bombero. I am not an anime fan. Nor am I a J-Pop fan. But I watched Metropolis not too long ago, and found myself enjoying it, which is the true sign of a good anime, if even I like it. This song stuck with me. It was one of the most unique songs I've ever heard. Frantic free form jazz mixed with techno elements, and somehow still very rocking and catchy. It won't be for everyone, but if you're looking for new sounds, look no further.
15. Thin Lizzy -- Running Back. Thin Lizzy are best known for their anthem rockers like The Boys Are Back In Town, and now Bad Reputation, thanks to the Guitar Hero games. But they also wrote great ballads. Running Back is one of the best. Phil Lynott was taken from us too soon.
16. Young @ Heart Chorus -- Fix You. Young @ Heart is a fantastic documentary about a group of nursing home residents who formed a chorus and toured playing stripped down and altered versions of modern rock songs. It's inspiring and heart breaking, and overall really powerful. I highly, highly recommend the documentary. This is their rendition of the Coldplay song Fix You, and it's so much better than the original. After watching the movie, it'll break your heart. But as a stand alone, out of context, it's just a hauntingly beautiful song. I find it also makes for a great last song to a mix tape, or cd as it were.
Anyway, that's an hour's worth of music right there. And you're bound to find at least one song here that you'll love. At the very least, have mercy on your beloved hairy host and check out that Meat Puppets song. Have good mosh pitting.
Sunday, October 31, 2010
2010 Halloween Party Movie Playlist
Halloween is kind of a big deal at our house. My wife and I have always liked Halloween, partly because we decided to date at a Halloween party, and were married on Halloween last year, but mostly because we're both little kids about it and we still have a good time dressing up. We're in a townhouse, so outside decorating isn't really an option, and this year we didn't really decorate inside much either, mostly due to time and budget constraints. I had the intention of at least putting out a Jack-O-Lantern, but alas, they all rotted away well before the party, and I knew I wouldn't have time to carve yet another pumpkin. But we always have a party. And I always use it as an occasion to subject my friends to horror movies as background noise. And I always spend more time than necessary picking out a playlist.
We discovered not too long ago that our dvd player downstairs, where the party takes place, is actually a multi-disc dvd player. How this information escaped us for this long, we still don't know. But that actually made picking out a playlist a bit easier, because before then, we would debate what movie to put on as the night went along, and eventually we would be engaged in a game of Apples to Apples or Scattergories or something, and it would pretty much just be the start menu on repeat. Now that we know it's a multi-disc player, we can just load up 5 movies and set them to pretty much auto play.
Every year, I pull out all of our horror movies to take inventory. I make an essential pile, a maybe pile, and a not good for a party pile. The essential pile usually consists of just two movies: It's the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown and Hocus Pocus. Charlie Brown because, well, everyone likes Charlie Brown. And Hocus Pocus at my wife's request, because it was a childhood favorite of hers. The maybe pile is usually the largest. Is this the year I subject everyone to Troll 2, or Slumberparty Massacre 2, or my favorite bad but fun Friday the 13th or A Nightmare on Elm Street sequel? Are they ready for Killer Klowns from Outer Space? Is this an Attack of the Killer Tomatoes crowd? Can I get away with Dr. Giggles? etc. The not good for a party pile is also usually pretty large as well, because frankly, a lot of horror movies just aren't really good for a Halloween party. I love American Psycho, and I did get some unexpected compliments for owning it on vhs, but it's a little too crazy for a Halloween party. And I don't own it, or even like it very much anyway, but you can't just whip out a movie like Last House on the Left in any group setting.
So this year, my playlist was thus: It's the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown, followed by Hocus Pocus, followed by Killer Klowns from Outer Space, followed by Friday the 13th part 5: A New Beginning, followed by A Nightmare on Elm Street part 6: Freddy's Dead. Or at least, that's what my original playlist was. I ended up watching Charlie Brown three times; once with my wife, once with two of our friends who came early, and again when everyone arrived. I subjected our early friends to Killer Klowns from Outer Space, and they didn't seem to object too much, thankfully. My wife apparently isn't a fan though, which is a bit heartbreaking. So we switched it out for Carrie when everyone arrived. It's one of my wife's favorites, and a few people hadn't seen it.
So once everyone arrived, the playlist was: Charlie Brown, followed by Hocus Pocus, followed by Carrie, with Freddy's Dead next in the queue, followed by Friday the 13th Part 5. Charlie Brown was a nice and innocent way to kick things off. Everyone has seen it hundreds of times, so it's easy to tune out but appreciate. Perfect for the start of a party, when you're mingling and getting food and what-not. Hocus Pocus, personally, doesn't interest me much. But as a good hubby, I put it on anyhow. And it was good for a bit of 90's nostalgia, particularly the cliche 90's bad boy outfit of a leather jacket, fingerless black gloves, long hair, and ripped jeans. The uniform of a 90's bully. You know, before everyone got all uppity about bullying. It's a harmless enough movie. Another that you can kind of fade in and out from while still enjoying the party. Entertaining enough for a few laughs, not gory or bloody, family friendly, though that wasn't an issue at our party as there were no children present. Just a bunch of grown ups, who still have a bit of childlike wonder left in them.
And then we took a break from Apples to Apples and Scattergories to watch Carrie. I guess it's been awhile since I've watched Carrie, because I completely forgot that the first few minutes, at least in the version we have, contains a LOT of full-frontal female nudity. 70's full frontal female nudity at that. Thankfully our circle of friends aren't bothered by that, and it brought on several schrubbery related jokes instead of social awkwardness. But all in all, it was a good party movie. A bit dated, but that lead to jokes, and just scary enough to be interesting. And the ending jump scare got a couple of our guests, which was fun. It was close to midnight by the time Carrie ended, so we didn't get to Freddy's Dead or Friday the 13th Part 5. I tried to jump to the video game sequence in Freddy's Dead, but I couldn't remember where it was in the movie by the scene select menu alone.
All in all, not a bad playlist. I try to pick out movies that are universally fun, or at least easy to make fun of. Nothing too serious, nothing too scary, nothing too disgusting. And the funny aspects need to be at least somewhat reasonable, I think. Perhaps not the gross absurdity that is a Troma movie, like Class of Nuke 'Em High or Toxic Avenger, but something that's either self aware and purposefully silly, like April Fool's Day or Freddy vs. Jason, or one that actually tried to be serious and failed completely, like Troll 2. But maybe that's just me, and maybe that's just our group of friends. Some people might prefer playing scary classics. And at times, I wish I could pull together a group of people to watch something like Human Centipede, or Mother's Day, so I wouldn't have to feel like such a weirdo for having at least a basic appreciation for movies like that (though I haven't actually seen either example completely yet.) I still think, in the context of a Halloween party where the movies aren't meant to be the focal point, keeping things light hearted and funny is a good plan. Nostalgia is also a winner, from my experience. It's a time to re-watch things more than it is to try new things. Hence the yearly viewing of Charlie Brown. Basically, play to your audience. Not everyone is going to love every movie, and that's ok. But there are some that people can tolerate as long as they're fun or funny.
The Halloween playlist always reminds me of just how many classics I either need to see or to own. Somehow I don't have The Shining or Halloween on any format. And I have a lot of vhs that I should get on dvd at this point, like Night of the Living Dead and Plan 9 From Outer Space. I even have two movies in my collection that I haven't watched yet; Thirst and Wrong Turn 3. I won them in a contest, so it's somewhat excusable, but still... I also apparently never opened my copy of The Craft, though I like that movie a lot. And there are so many horror movies that I need to see. I have Vertigo sitting in it's Netflix sleeve, untouched for days now. It's just one of many classics that I'm ashamed to say I haven't caught yet. And my Netflix streaming queue is filled with many others. It's just hard for me to watch new stuff when there are so many seasonal favorites that I haven't grown tired of seeing, for reasons even I don't understand. To think, I almost made everyone watch A New Beginning...
We discovered not too long ago that our dvd player downstairs, where the party takes place, is actually a multi-disc dvd player. How this information escaped us for this long, we still don't know. But that actually made picking out a playlist a bit easier, because before then, we would debate what movie to put on as the night went along, and eventually we would be engaged in a game of Apples to Apples or Scattergories or something, and it would pretty much just be the start menu on repeat. Now that we know it's a multi-disc player, we can just load up 5 movies and set them to pretty much auto play.
Every year, I pull out all of our horror movies to take inventory. I make an essential pile, a maybe pile, and a not good for a party pile. The essential pile usually consists of just two movies: It's the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown and Hocus Pocus. Charlie Brown because, well, everyone likes Charlie Brown. And Hocus Pocus at my wife's request, because it was a childhood favorite of hers. The maybe pile is usually the largest. Is this the year I subject everyone to Troll 2, or Slumberparty Massacre 2, or my favorite bad but fun Friday the 13th or A Nightmare on Elm Street sequel? Are they ready for Killer Klowns from Outer Space? Is this an Attack of the Killer Tomatoes crowd? Can I get away with Dr. Giggles? etc. The not good for a party pile is also usually pretty large as well, because frankly, a lot of horror movies just aren't really good for a Halloween party. I love American Psycho, and I did get some unexpected compliments for owning it on vhs, but it's a little too crazy for a Halloween party. And I don't own it, or even like it very much anyway, but you can't just whip out a movie like Last House on the Left in any group setting.
So this year, my playlist was thus: It's the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown, followed by Hocus Pocus, followed by Killer Klowns from Outer Space, followed by Friday the 13th part 5: A New Beginning, followed by A Nightmare on Elm Street part 6: Freddy's Dead. Or at least, that's what my original playlist was. I ended up watching Charlie Brown three times; once with my wife, once with two of our friends who came early, and again when everyone arrived. I subjected our early friends to Killer Klowns from Outer Space, and they didn't seem to object too much, thankfully. My wife apparently isn't a fan though, which is a bit heartbreaking. So we switched it out for Carrie when everyone arrived. It's one of my wife's favorites, and a few people hadn't seen it.
So once everyone arrived, the playlist was: Charlie Brown, followed by Hocus Pocus, followed by Carrie, with Freddy's Dead next in the queue, followed by Friday the 13th Part 5. Charlie Brown was a nice and innocent way to kick things off. Everyone has seen it hundreds of times, so it's easy to tune out but appreciate. Perfect for the start of a party, when you're mingling and getting food and what-not. Hocus Pocus, personally, doesn't interest me much. But as a good hubby, I put it on anyhow. And it was good for a bit of 90's nostalgia, particularly the cliche 90's bad boy outfit of a leather jacket, fingerless black gloves, long hair, and ripped jeans. The uniform of a 90's bully. You know, before everyone got all uppity about bullying. It's a harmless enough movie. Another that you can kind of fade in and out from while still enjoying the party. Entertaining enough for a few laughs, not gory or bloody, family friendly, though that wasn't an issue at our party as there were no children present. Just a bunch of grown ups, who still have a bit of childlike wonder left in them.
And then we took a break from Apples to Apples and Scattergories to watch Carrie. I guess it's been awhile since I've watched Carrie, because I completely forgot that the first few minutes, at least in the version we have, contains a LOT of full-frontal female nudity. 70's full frontal female nudity at that. Thankfully our circle of friends aren't bothered by that, and it brought on several schrubbery related jokes instead of social awkwardness. But all in all, it was a good party movie. A bit dated, but that lead to jokes, and just scary enough to be interesting. And the ending jump scare got a couple of our guests, which was fun. It was close to midnight by the time Carrie ended, so we didn't get to Freddy's Dead or Friday the 13th Part 5. I tried to jump to the video game sequence in Freddy's Dead, but I couldn't remember where it was in the movie by the scene select menu alone.
All in all, not a bad playlist. I try to pick out movies that are universally fun, or at least easy to make fun of. Nothing too serious, nothing too scary, nothing too disgusting. And the funny aspects need to be at least somewhat reasonable, I think. Perhaps not the gross absurdity that is a Troma movie, like Class of Nuke 'Em High or Toxic Avenger, but something that's either self aware and purposefully silly, like April Fool's Day or Freddy vs. Jason, or one that actually tried to be serious and failed completely, like Troll 2. But maybe that's just me, and maybe that's just our group of friends. Some people might prefer playing scary classics. And at times, I wish I could pull together a group of people to watch something like Human Centipede, or Mother's Day, so I wouldn't have to feel like such a weirdo for having at least a basic appreciation for movies like that (though I haven't actually seen either example completely yet.) I still think, in the context of a Halloween party where the movies aren't meant to be the focal point, keeping things light hearted and funny is a good plan. Nostalgia is also a winner, from my experience. It's a time to re-watch things more than it is to try new things. Hence the yearly viewing of Charlie Brown. Basically, play to your audience. Not everyone is going to love every movie, and that's ok. But there are some that people can tolerate as long as they're fun or funny.
The Halloween playlist always reminds me of just how many classics I either need to see or to own. Somehow I don't have The Shining or Halloween on any format. And I have a lot of vhs that I should get on dvd at this point, like Night of the Living Dead and Plan 9 From Outer Space. I even have two movies in my collection that I haven't watched yet; Thirst and Wrong Turn 3. I won them in a contest, so it's somewhat excusable, but still... I also apparently never opened my copy of The Craft, though I like that movie a lot. And there are so many horror movies that I need to see. I have Vertigo sitting in it's Netflix sleeve, untouched for days now. It's just one of many classics that I'm ashamed to say I haven't caught yet. And my Netflix streaming queue is filled with many others. It's just hard for me to watch new stuff when there are so many seasonal favorites that I haven't grown tired of seeing, for reasons even I don't understand. To think, I almost made everyone watch A New Beginning...
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
In Defense of: Texas Chainsaw Massacre II
A new segment to my humble little blog, "In Defense of," where I do my best to defend a movie, album, band, etc. that I feel doesn't get the credit that it deserves. For this installment, I'm going to try to defend the movie Texas Chainsaw Massacre II.
Texas Chainsaw Massacre was released in 1974. It's considered to be essential viewing, and one of the cornerstones of the horror genre by most fans. The gore is subtle, and there's not much blood, especially compared to modern horror fare. And yet, people remember it as being shocking and violent. It is shocking, and truly disturbing, but not because of gore or blood, or even the violence, which is relatively subdued. Texas Chainsaw Massacre delves into the psyche of a twisted family of killers, who have degraded themselves so far for so long that they can no longer differentiate between human beings and cattle raised for the slaughter. Before they slaughtered humans, they slaughtered cattle as their family business. But their livelihood and way of life has been threatened and permanently changed by new technology and new practices in the slaughterhouse industry. Their way of life, and all that they've known is now considered inhumane and barbaric. But they're good at it. And they love their work. What's a group of skilled and passionate slaughterhouse butchers to do when the business dries up? They start using humans for their meat supply.
Everyone remembers Leatherface from the Texas Chainsaw Massacre movies, as he's become the figurehead of the franchise, in the same vein as Jason from the Friday the 13th movies, and Freddy from A Nightmare On Elm Street. Leatherface is a brute; a hefty man who wields a chainsaw and hunts like a bloodhound. But he's not even the most frightening character in the film. His family is far more twisted than Leatherface is. Leatherface is the muscle of the family, not the mastermind. In fact, Leatherface is arguably the most compassionate of them all. He hunts and kills. It's as simple as a job task for him. His family, however, enjoys torturing their food. Leatherface is also the closest thing to a female or motherly influence that the family has. There is no mother character, and the grandmother, it turns out, is a corpse. Leatherface wears makeup and an apron in some scenes, and it's his job to prepare "meals" for the family, much like the stereotypical 50's housewife archetype. They boss him around like unappreciative children, and even beat him when he disobeys. And that's what's so terrifying about Texas Chainsaw Massacre; the 6 foot tall, couple hundred pound, chainsaw wielding madman, who wears the sewn-together flesh of his victims as a mask, is the least damaged villain in the group. It's a compelling story, and it's truly scary, without relying upon shock value and visceral overload. And that's why it's a classic.
Texas Chainsaw Massacre would have been fine as a one time, stand-alone entry in the horror pantheon. So understandably, many fans didn't believe that a sequel was necessary. And the tone of Texas Chainsaw Massacre II is much different. Director Tobe Hooper, who also directed and created Texas Chainsaw Massacre, has always claimed that the original film was intended to be much more comedic than people realized. That's a little hard to believe given the subject matter of a homicidal, cannibalistic family that takes such joy in torturing their victims, especially their final victim, a helpless young woman. At any rate, the comedic elements are ramped up and far more obvious in the sequel. Many fans disliked the change, and it's one of the reasons why they dislike the sequel.
I feel that the comedic elements are in good taste. They're not so idiotic that they're distracting. They're still very much in the dark comedy realm, and the film still has a dark and unsettling feel to it. In fact, the comedic elements only help to show just how detached and twisted the family really is. The villains are even crazier, with the introduction of family member Choptop; a shell shocked Vietnam War veteran with a steel plate in his head, who lights the end of a bent clothes hanger and uses it to scratch at the headwound around the plate, which removes flecks of dead skin... which he then eats. He's easily the most entertaining lunatic in the family, played by the always brilliant Bill Moseley. Leatherface is back, of course, and he's just as threatening, But he's growing as a person, at least as much as possibly for Leatherface, and his "compassion" is starting to get in the way of his work. He's starting to discover women and his natural human urges toward them, to the displeasure of his brother Choptop and his father. And also, to the displeasure of many fans.
Leatherface is a cold blooded killer, afterall. There's no room for humanistic behavior or compassion in a killer. Yet Leatherface hesitates killing the female lead in Texas Chainsaw Massacre II, and even decides to help her escape from the family. He has feelings for her. This is, of course, contradictory of the original film, where Leatherface just killed without question. And arguably, he killed much better looking (all due respect to actress Caroline Williams) and crush worthy co-eds than the female lead in part II. The idea of Leatherface feeling any compassion was a tough pill to swallow for most fans. But to me, it makes perfect sense.
The events of part II supposedly happened 14 years after the events of part I. As I stated before, I believe Leatherface is the most human of anyone in the family. He doesn't speak in anything more than ape-like grunts, but you never got the sense that he particularly enjoyed hurting people; he just did his job, usually without question. He's always been the motherly figure in the family, and he was at the mercy of his alpha male brothers and father, often treated like a slave or a pet rather than an equal. So to me, it makes sense that he would relate to a victim. He fears his family in the same way that his victims fear them. He doesn't want to get hurt any more than they do, but he knows that they'll hit him if he disobeys or fails. And he's maturing. He's becoming more like a teenager, which means he's starting to get interested in girls, albeit in a far less developed way that normal human beings. He's testing the waters, as it were. His brothers , only slightly more developed than Leatherface, have always been rebellious and disobedient to some extent. Leatherface is starting to rebel in his own way, by disobeying his father and trying to change their ways.
Then again, maybe that's just reading too much into things. It could be that it's just a fun horror movie. Much less serious than the original, sure, but disturbing nonetheless. Not only are the family members cruel and twisted, but they also have fun being insane and cruel, which in turn makes them even more frightening. Not to mention, they've somehow managed to keep their evil deeds a secret for more than 14 years, while selling their cannibal meat to the unsuspecting townspeople. The gore is amped up in part II, brought to you by practical effects master Tom Savini. It's gross, to be sure, but it's not overwhelming or gratuitous. Just enough to be viscerally shocking, without inducing too much disgust or nausea.
All in all, it's a fun horror movie. Is it flawed? Of course. Some of the acting outside of the main cast is really, really poor. The opening sequence is just bizarre and goofy, with stereotypical 80's yuppies freely shooting their gun at road signs and drinking beer while driving. The transition from night to day is alarming and very sudden. And it's hard to believe that the family simply packed up everything and moved upstate, undetected and unquestioned, taking refuge in an abandoned amusement park, or that they did all of that and set up a company that sells chili and other foodstuffs to unsuspecting citizens. Bill Moseley is completely over the top (over the Choptop?) which, while entertaining and suited to the character, isn't very developed. He wasn't in the original, and how he came to be with the family isn't explained. He just shows up, and he's insane like the others, so you accept that he's just another one of the clan. It would have been nice to get just a bit more backstory on the family. Then again, maybe the fact that we really don't know much about them makes them all the more terrifying. Some of Tom Savini's effects are a bit cheesy as well; in particular, the first kill. Although, it seems like it was intentionally so. The ending is also a little unsatisfying, as you're left not really knowing what happens to some of the characters. But the humor adds to the atmosphere, it's just as scary as the original, and there's not a dull moment to be found. There are some genuinely effective jump scares as well, that still work today, and better than a lot of modern attempts.
And there's a chainsaw fight... between Leatherface and Dennis Hopper. And it's glorious.
Oh, and Primus sampled a line of dialogue from the film in their song Jerry Was A Racecar Driver.
Texas Chainsaw Massacre II is on Netflix as a physical disc mailing. It can also generally be found for $5 or so at places like Five Below and Big Lots. If you haven't seen the original, by all means check that one out first. If you enjoy it, give part II a shot.
Texas Chainsaw Massacre was released in 1974. It's considered to be essential viewing, and one of the cornerstones of the horror genre by most fans. The gore is subtle, and there's not much blood, especially compared to modern horror fare. And yet, people remember it as being shocking and violent. It is shocking, and truly disturbing, but not because of gore or blood, or even the violence, which is relatively subdued. Texas Chainsaw Massacre delves into the psyche of a twisted family of killers, who have degraded themselves so far for so long that they can no longer differentiate between human beings and cattle raised for the slaughter. Before they slaughtered humans, they slaughtered cattle as their family business. But their livelihood and way of life has been threatened and permanently changed by new technology and new practices in the slaughterhouse industry. Their way of life, and all that they've known is now considered inhumane and barbaric. But they're good at it. And they love their work. What's a group of skilled and passionate slaughterhouse butchers to do when the business dries up? They start using humans for their meat supply.
Everyone remembers Leatherface from the Texas Chainsaw Massacre movies, as he's become the figurehead of the franchise, in the same vein as Jason from the Friday the 13th movies, and Freddy from A Nightmare On Elm Street. Leatherface is a brute; a hefty man who wields a chainsaw and hunts like a bloodhound. But he's not even the most frightening character in the film. His family is far more twisted than Leatherface is. Leatherface is the muscle of the family, not the mastermind. In fact, Leatherface is arguably the most compassionate of them all. He hunts and kills. It's as simple as a job task for him. His family, however, enjoys torturing their food. Leatherface is also the closest thing to a female or motherly influence that the family has. There is no mother character, and the grandmother, it turns out, is a corpse. Leatherface wears makeup and an apron in some scenes, and it's his job to prepare "meals" for the family, much like the stereotypical 50's housewife archetype. They boss him around like unappreciative children, and even beat him when he disobeys. And that's what's so terrifying about Texas Chainsaw Massacre; the 6 foot tall, couple hundred pound, chainsaw wielding madman, who wears the sewn-together flesh of his victims as a mask, is the least damaged villain in the group. It's a compelling story, and it's truly scary, without relying upon shock value and visceral overload. And that's why it's a classic.
Texas Chainsaw Massacre would have been fine as a one time, stand-alone entry in the horror pantheon. So understandably, many fans didn't believe that a sequel was necessary. And the tone of Texas Chainsaw Massacre II is much different. Director Tobe Hooper, who also directed and created Texas Chainsaw Massacre, has always claimed that the original film was intended to be much more comedic than people realized. That's a little hard to believe given the subject matter of a homicidal, cannibalistic family that takes such joy in torturing their victims, especially their final victim, a helpless young woman. At any rate, the comedic elements are ramped up and far more obvious in the sequel. Many fans disliked the change, and it's one of the reasons why they dislike the sequel.
I feel that the comedic elements are in good taste. They're not so idiotic that they're distracting. They're still very much in the dark comedy realm, and the film still has a dark and unsettling feel to it. In fact, the comedic elements only help to show just how detached and twisted the family really is. The villains are even crazier, with the introduction of family member Choptop; a shell shocked Vietnam War veteran with a steel plate in his head, who lights the end of a bent clothes hanger and uses it to scratch at the headwound around the plate, which removes flecks of dead skin... which he then eats. He's easily the most entertaining lunatic in the family, played by the always brilliant Bill Moseley. Leatherface is back, of course, and he's just as threatening, But he's growing as a person, at least as much as possibly for Leatherface, and his "compassion" is starting to get in the way of his work. He's starting to discover women and his natural human urges toward them, to the displeasure of his brother Choptop and his father. And also, to the displeasure of many fans.
Leatherface is a cold blooded killer, afterall. There's no room for humanistic behavior or compassion in a killer. Yet Leatherface hesitates killing the female lead in Texas Chainsaw Massacre II, and even decides to help her escape from the family. He has feelings for her. This is, of course, contradictory of the original film, where Leatherface just killed without question. And arguably, he killed much better looking (all due respect to actress Caroline Williams) and crush worthy co-eds than the female lead in part II. The idea of Leatherface feeling any compassion was a tough pill to swallow for most fans. But to me, it makes perfect sense.
The events of part II supposedly happened 14 years after the events of part I. As I stated before, I believe Leatherface is the most human of anyone in the family. He doesn't speak in anything more than ape-like grunts, but you never got the sense that he particularly enjoyed hurting people; he just did his job, usually without question. He's always been the motherly figure in the family, and he was at the mercy of his alpha male brothers and father, often treated like a slave or a pet rather than an equal. So to me, it makes sense that he would relate to a victim. He fears his family in the same way that his victims fear them. He doesn't want to get hurt any more than they do, but he knows that they'll hit him if he disobeys or fails. And he's maturing. He's becoming more like a teenager, which means he's starting to get interested in girls, albeit in a far less developed way that normal human beings. He's testing the waters, as it were. His brothers , only slightly more developed than Leatherface, have always been rebellious and disobedient to some extent. Leatherface is starting to rebel in his own way, by disobeying his father and trying to change their ways.
Then again, maybe that's just reading too much into things. It could be that it's just a fun horror movie. Much less serious than the original, sure, but disturbing nonetheless. Not only are the family members cruel and twisted, but they also have fun being insane and cruel, which in turn makes them even more frightening. Not to mention, they've somehow managed to keep their evil deeds a secret for more than 14 years, while selling their cannibal meat to the unsuspecting townspeople. The gore is amped up in part II, brought to you by practical effects master Tom Savini. It's gross, to be sure, but it's not overwhelming or gratuitous. Just enough to be viscerally shocking, without inducing too much disgust or nausea.
All in all, it's a fun horror movie. Is it flawed? Of course. Some of the acting outside of the main cast is really, really poor. The opening sequence is just bizarre and goofy, with stereotypical 80's yuppies freely shooting their gun at road signs and drinking beer while driving. The transition from night to day is alarming and very sudden. And it's hard to believe that the family simply packed up everything and moved upstate, undetected and unquestioned, taking refuge in an abandoned amusement park, or that they did all of that and set up a company that sells chili and other foodstuffs to unsuspecting citizens. Bill Moseley is completely over the top (over the Choptop?) which, while entertaining and suited to the character, isn't very developed. He wasn't in the original, and how he came to be with the family isn't explained. He just shows up, and he's insane like the others, so you accept that he's just another one of the clan. It would have been nice to get just a bit more backstory on the family. Then again, maybe the fact that we really don't know much about them makes them all the more terrifying. Some of Tom Savini's effects are a bit cheesy as well; in particular, the first kill. Although, it seems like it was intentionally so. The ending is also a little unsatisfying, as you're left not really knowing what happens to some of the characters. But the humor adds to the atmosphere, it's just as scary as the original, and there's not a dull moment to be found. There are some genuinely effective jump scares as well, that still work today, and better than a lot of modern attempts.
And there's a chainsaw fight... between Leatherface and Dennis Hopper. And it's glorious.
Oh, and Primus sampled a line of dialogue from the film in their song Jerry Was A Racecar Driver.
Texas Chainsaw Massacre II is on Netflix as a physical disc mailing. It can also generally be found for $5 or so at places like Five Below and Big Lots. If you haven't seen the original, by all means check that one out first. If you enjoy it, give part II a shot.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Movie Review: Pirate Radio
I just finished watching Pirate Radio, and in short, I loved it. I knew going into it that it would be something that I'd probably like. It's a movie about music, and I love movies about music, even decidedly bad ones. I've found myself captivated by biographies of bands that I don't care about at all. I actually LIKED the movie Rock Star with Mark "Don't Call Me Marky Mark" Wahlburg and Jennifer Aniston. I proudly own a copy of Rock and Roll High School on dvd. And the extended cut, super fan edition of Almost Famous. I watched Videodrome not because it's a David Cronenberg masterpiece, but because Debby Harry from Blondie is in it. I sat through Light of Day because Joan Jett is in it. So when I heard about Pirate Radio, a movie about a rogue group of disc jockeys who took to the open seas to avoid censorship, I was all for it. But like all movies that are actually worth seeing, I blinked, and it was out of theaters. I sneezed, and it was all but forgotten; buried by the latest Twilight installment. Too bad really, because it deserved far more acclaim than it actually garnered.
At it's heart, Pirate Radio is a pretty simple "us vs. them," rock 'n roll vs. uptight corporate squares, freedom vs. restriction story. And to be fair, that's one of the criticisms that I do have of the film; The conflict isn't very well established, so it does at times feel like shallow hippie rhetoric, with an ill-defined "man" trying to bring down the groovy group, just because their long hair and loud guitars loving lifestyle is anti-establishment. Where the film redeems itself is through the interesting characters, and the infectious camaraderie of the group. They steal each others dates (and wives, as it were), they break each others metaphorical balls, they hold childish and dangerous competitions for nothing more than foolish pride, but they're a family; a gloriously unwashed, dysfunctional family, brought together by little more than their love for music. And they're willing to fight for the things they love, including each other.
Pirate Radio really hits its stride within the last 30 minutes or so of the film. The threat of a government shut down is eminent from the first note played, and naturally, it comes to a head, leaving the group fighting to stay alive. As a fan of music, it's inspiring. To think that there were, and perhaps still are, those who love music so much that they'd risk it all just to have the freedom to play it. That there were once radio djs who actually had a passion for the music, and who could, and would, voice their opinions; their real, heart felt opinions about a song.
Arguably, that spirit is dead in commercial radio now. Even satellite radio, which prides itself on its open format and freedom of speech, uses a playlist. And one that's seemingly pre-approved by some agency or another to keep the riff-raff out. Which is why Vanilla Ice is featured on the 90's station, and The Melvins are not. But the spirit lives on at the grass roots level; music fans taking to the internet to spread their love of music to others. Podcasts and music blogs, created by the fans, for the fans. People willing to openly proclaim that Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band is NOT the greatest album ever created, and there WAS and still IS great music being recorded well after the Beatles called it quits, Elvis died on the crapper, and the Sex Pistols asked if the audience ever got the feeling like they were being cheated. Bands putting out their own albums and merchandise, free from the shackles of a corporate record label. Loyalists who still happily scour bins of used cds and vinyl, proudly displaying their Pogues t-shirts. People who know how and why Black Sabbath got their legendary guitar tone...
It probably does help to have a questionably unhealthy love for music and rock and roll in particular in order to really appreciate Pirate Radio. There are some big names attached to the film though, like Philip Seymour Hoffman essentially reprising his role in Almost Famous as a Lester Bangs type dj. This time he's "the Count" instead of Lester Bangs, but they're virtually one and the same. Pirate Radio also features Chris O'Dowd and Katherine Parkinson from the IT Crowd, and Kenneth Branagh of Harry Potter fame (He played Professor Lockhart). The ending, which I won't spoil, was touching, and it inspired me to throw on some classic rock vinyl and bash in the glory of music fandom.
At it's heart, Pirate Radio is a pretty simple "us vs. them," rock 'n roll vs. uptight corporate squares, freedom vs. restriction story. And to be fair, that's one of the criticisms that I do have of the film; The conflict isn't very well established, so it does at times feel like shallow hippie rhetoric, with an ill-defined "man" trying to bring down the groovy group, just because their long hair and loud guitars loving lifestyle is anti-establishment. Where the film redeems itself is through the interesting characters, and the infectious camaraderie of the group. They steal each others dates (and wives, as it were), they break each others metaphorical balls, they hold childish and dangerous competitions for nothing more than foolish pride, but they're a family; a gloriously unwashed, dysfunctional family, brought together by little more than their love for music. And they're willing to fight for the things they love, including each other.
Pirate Radio really hits its stride within the last 30 minutes or so of the film. The threat of a government shut down is eminent from the first note played, and naturally, it comes to a head, leaving the group fighting to stay alive. As a fan of music, it's inspiring. To think that there were, and perhaps still are, those who love music so much that they'd risk it all just to have the freedom to play it. That there were once radio djs who actually had a passion for the music, and who could, and would, voice their opinions; their real, heart felt opinions about a song.
Arguably, that spirit is dead in commercial radio now. Even satellite radio, which prides itself on its open format and freedom of speech, uses a playlist. And one that's seemingly pre-approved by some agency or another to keep the riff-raff out. Which is why Vanilla Ice is featured on the 90's station, and The Melvins are not. But the spirit lives on at the grass roots level; music fans taking to the internet to spread their love of music to others. Podcasts and music blogs, created by the fans, for the fans. People willing to openly proclaim that Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band is NOT the greatest album ever created, and there WAS and still IS great music being recorded well after the Beatles called it quits, Elvis died on the crapper, and the Sex Pistols asked if the audience ever got the feeling like they were being cheated. Bands putting out their own albums and merchandise, free from the shackles of a corporate record label. Loyalists who still happily scour bins of used cds and vinyl, proudly displaying their Pogues t-shirts. People who know how and why Black Sabbath got their legendary guitar tone...
It probably does help to have a questionably unhealthy love for music and rock and roll in particular in order to really appreciate Pirate Radio. There are some big names attached to the film though, like Philip Seymour Hoffman essentially reprising his role in Almost Famous as a Lester Bangs type dj. This time he's "the Count" instead of Lester Bangs, but they're virtually one and the same. Pirate Radio also features Chris O'Dowd and Katherine Parkinson from the IT Crowd, and Kenneth Branagh of Harry Potter fame (He played Professor Lockhart). The ending, which I won't spoil, was touching, and it inspired me to throw on some classic rock vinyl and bash in the glory of music fandom.
Saturday, October 16, 2010
The Great Pumpkin... Massacre
I've always liked carving pumpkins, and for some reason I decided to really go for it this year. I'm not at all a visual artist, nor am I much of a "handyman." I got a B in shop class, in other words. But for some reason, pumpkins inspire me to at least try to be both. It all really started around high school, when one year I decided that the traditional three triangles and some jagged teeth weren't going to cut it, so instead I made the Grateful Dead Steal Your Face logo. I have a picture of it somewhere, but I can't find it at the moment. Here's what the logo looks like:
So, just imagine that in pumpkin form, with a bit less detail, and carved by a teenager with not a whole lot of artistic talent. Anyway, it was the first time that I actually put a lot of time into carving a pumpkin, and the result was worth the effort, even though my parents didn't get it, and nobody else really cared. I even used toothpicks to carve out the details as best I could. It took a few hours, but I was proud of it.
A few years later, I made Trogdor from the Strongbad online cartoon.
Here's the source picture:
Trogdor was pretty easy, though I messed up his arm a bit. Again, not perfect, but I was proud of it. It took a little bit of time to do, but not as much as the grateful Dead logo. Two years ago I did Jason Voorhees' mask from the Friday the 13th movies:
I'm pretty sure I got the stencil online, but I don't really remember. I think it turned out pretty well. Not perfect, but not bad for an amateur. I love the Friday the 13th movies, so this was a lot of fun to do. I drilled the holes with a skewer, which worked surprisingly well.
Last year I got married on Halloween night, so I didn't get to carve pumpkins. Maybe that's why I'm over-compensating so much this year... I decided to do two this year. It took me awhile to think of what to try to carve, but I decided on Hello Kitty for my wife, because she's big into Hello Kitty, and I did Jerry Only from the Misfits for myself.
But I haven't been able to figure it out. I saw some awesome versions that others have done where they shaved the pumpkin instead of carving it, and I think that's really the only way to do the Crimson Ghost logo. But I've never tried to shave a pumpkin, so I tried to find something else Misfits related instead. I'm pretty happy with the end result.
And here's the finished product:
Not too bad... Although this ultimately was a complete failure. You can't really tell from the picture, but the entire face is held together with toothpicks. I made it too small, so that only two tiny chunks of pumpkin were holding it up. They snapped, and the whole face came off. It was a good pumpkin too; not many seeds or stringy bits. Though the exterior was a bit tougher than I anticipated. I had to go for it though, and the result is pretty amusing. You're supposed to carve out Hello underneath the head, but I didn't want to risk it.
So, I spent a total of about 6 hours on pumpkins this year. Roughly two hours on each one. To my surprise, Jerry Only was the easiest to do of the three. Lionel Richie was the most difficult, but that's mostly my fault for not making the stencil larger. I made a mistake on each one, but I'm still proud of them; Jerry Only especially. I almost wish I could could do even more, but I don't really have the room for that many pumpkins, and the house already wreaks of pumpkin. That and, you really shouldn't spend more than $20 on pumpkins, unless you're either talented or a professional, and I'm neither.
All in all, 3 decent pumpkins, using minimal tools.
Just a pumpkin scoop, a paring knife, a wooden skewer, a butcher knife, and two longer knives. I didn't even really use much more than the paring knife, except to cut the tops off. But once again, the skewer proved to be an invaluable tool. I used it to do nearly all of the Lionel Richie detail work. And the pumpkin scoop isn't really essential, but it does make things easier. I like that I have a cutesy, a somewhat scary, and a funny pumpkin this year. nice variety. And I'm getting better at it, mistakes aside.
Anyway, hope you like my pumpkins. Thanks for reading, and have a fun Halloween.
A few years later, I made Trogdor from the Strongbad online cartoon.
Last year I got married on Halloween night, so I didn't get to carve pumpkins. Maybe that's why I'm over-compensating so much this year... I decided to do two this year. It took me awhile to think of what to try to carve, but I decided on Hello Kitty for my wife, because she's big into Hello Kitty, and I did Jerry Only from the Misfits for myself.
Hello Kitty finished pumpkin.
Jerry Only finished pumpkin.
Hello Kitty is from a stencil that I got online at Cartoonjr.com. The stencil was a little too small though, so I drew the stencil on myself free hand. I think it turned out pretty well. I did make a mistake, but it's at least somewhat hard to notice. The whiskers and the bow were a bit challenging, but they turned out great I think.
My Jerry Only pumpkin is an adaptation of a logo that I got from Misfits.com.
It's actually an homage to Shepard Fairey's artwork. He's most commonly known for his Andre the Giant "Obey" graffiti. He did a version that incorporated the Misfits' Crimson Ghost logo:
...so the Misfits created a Jerry Only version to re-pay the tribute. I had to change the design a bit, leaving out the nostril marks from the original design. And if you look closely enough, you can see where I had to use a toothpick to repair some structural damage... A piece broke off, so I toothpicked it back together. I'm pretty proud of this one anyhow. I've been trying to create a Misfits related pumpkin for awhile now, but I just haven't been able to pull it off. I've been trying to adapt the Crimson Ghost logo:
After I finished those two, I decided to make a THIRD pumpkin. I found a Lionel Richie stencil online at Creativetypes.blogspot.com and I just couldn't resist. Here's the stencil:
So, I spent a total of about 6 hours on pumpkins this year. Roughly two hours on each one. To my surprise, Jerry Only was the easiest to do of the three. Lionel Richie was the most difficult, but that's mostly my fault for not making the stencil larger. I made a mistake on each one, but I'm still proud of them; Jerry Only especially. I almost wish I could could do even more, but I don't really have the room for that many pumpkins, and the house already wreaks of pumpkin. That and, you really shouldn't spend more than $20 on pumpkins, unless you're either talented or a professional, and I'm neither.
All in all, 3 decent pumpkins, using minimal tools.
Anyway, hope you like my pumpkins. Thanks for reading, and have a fun Halloween.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Video Game Shame
I've never been much of a gamer. As a kid, I had a Nintendo Entertainment System, then a Sega Genesis, a Game Boy, and a Gamegear. Remember the Gamegear?
What a beast. It was the size of two Game Boys. It took 6 aa batteries just to turn the thing on. 6! And they only lasted for 5 hours. Not even long enough for an average family vacation car trip. They actually sold an ac adapter for the Gamegear. Yeah, an ac adapter for a HANDHELD video game system. It was cool at the time, because it was the first color handheld system, which was a big step above the sepia tone Game Boy screen. The Game Gear also had a larger screen, which was nice. I remember having a magnifying glass/light add-on for my Game Boy because the screen was so small and dark at times... How geeky is that? And they made a tv adapter add-on for the Gamegear which allowed you to watch tv on your Gamegear. I didn't have that, but the idea of portable color tv that was also a gaming system was revolutionary at the time. But at the 6 batteries every 5 hours rate, I didn't play it much, nor did I have many games for it.
I didn't get a new system until college, when my parents bought me a Playstation 2. I didn't even ask for one, oddly enough. I guess they figured it wasn't normal for a kid to be content with an old video game system. Don't get me wrong, I appreciated it, and I still like Playstation 2 games. It was just unexpected. Although to be honest, I used it more as a dvd player than a video game system. Except for my Grand Theft Auto binges. My roommate Sophomore year had Grand Theft Auto 3 when it had first come out. He went to an exclusive pledge-only fraternity function and he let me play it while he was out. I ended up playing it all night long. He got back around 4Am, and I was still playing it. I was instantly hooked. And they followed that up with Vice City, which is still my favorite Grand Theft Auto game. It's basically interactive Scarface, down to the mansion being identical in the game and the movie. It is digitalized crack. The follow up, San Andreas, was fun too, but very glitchy. And then I met my now wife, and our video game worlds combined.
She's definitely the gamer in our house. She got an Xbox 360, and I bought Grand Theft Auto IV for it. Still haven't finished that game. It's just so drastically different from the others. It's too much game for me. Eventually, we got a Wii. I think I've logged a total of 4 hours on a Wii in my lifetime. I get why people love it; it's just too much technology for me. Through eBay, we bought a Super Nintendo, and I still rarely ever play it. It was too much system for me back then, which is why I never bothered to get one, and it's still too much system for me now. I liked Sega. It had 3 buttons. Super Nintendo had 6. 6! The original Nintendo had 2. How do you jump from 2 buttons to 6? I still really don't know how I ever figured out a Playstation controller. And the controller is probably the main reason I stay away from Xbox 360, for the most part.
I sometimes feel ashamed of my reluctance to jump on board the new technology train. I feel even more guilty when something new comes along that forces me to try it out. Like the game Dead Rising. Holy hand grenade do I love that game. It's so much fun. Which is why it has been extremely difficult resisting buying the sequel. I know if I wait long enough, it'll plummet in price. And I don't play video games often enough to really justify not waiting. But man... it's tempting.
I really don't know what my problem is. Old man-itis perhaps? Could be. It takes me awhile to grasp new technology and trends. I just figured out Sudoku a couple of months ago. I didn't jump on board the Facebook fun bus until well into it's popularity. I never even had a Myspace page. I didn't even have a cell phone with a keyboard until this year. My wife's Droid phone scares me. Try to take a picture, and it wants me to talk to it instead. Hangs up my calls when they're complete without me pushing a button. Then again, my simple Verizon En v phone somehow changes my background picture, adds keypad mashed contacts and stores keypad mashed phone numbers while in keylock mode... Skynet is imminent, I tell you! It starts with these so-called smart phones. Just how smart are these wirey bastards? You call them applications, or "aps"; I call it military intelligence. Back in my day, four square was a game you played at recess, not an application that tells the world, "Hey, I'm not home! Come rob me!"
Back to video games. I was dragged kicking and screaming into the World of Warcraft. My warrior is level 74, and unless I get some kind of divine video game intervention, he shall remain that way, because my patience with that blasted game is wearing thin. I'm trying so hard to catch up so I can finally play with my wife and her friends, my whole reason for trying it out to begin with, and in a few weeks yet another expansion will be released, pushing my character even further behind everyone else. And that's suggesting that if I even were able to catch up, I'd be able to play along. That's not the case at all. I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing on that game. I just click buttons, and things happen. Usually my character's frequent death...
And when the modern games freighten me, I recoil back to my beloved 8 bit simplicity. Only, I play horrible games. Horrible games that I, for some inexplicable reason, actually enjoy playing. Like Friday the 13th. I love the movies, so there's some joy in living out the setting via video games. But by all accounts, it's one of the worst games ever made. The weapons arc over the enemies, the game play is super confusing at first, and Jason looks like he's wearing a purple tracksuit.
Not to mention, the ending is one of the worst in video game history. There is no big pay-off for beating the game. It's just as much of a b.s. ending as most of the endings in the movies. Is he dead? Maybe, maybe not. Who knows? End. And yet, I've played it so much that I can now beat it every time. There's even a trick to beat it in about 20 minutes or so. So why? Why do I keep playing it? It's like I have video game amnesia or something, and I think if I play it another 100 times, a secret chip will activate, turning it into a great game; a game worthy of the Friday the 13th name. One where you either actually encounter a difficult Jason who doesn't act like a Mike Tyson's Punch-Out reject character. Or better yet, lets you play as Jason, going around, coming up with unique methods of offing your prey. You couldn't do that back then, but nobody would blink an eye at the idea now. Just slap a MA warning sticker on it, and let me have at it.
I do like that people like me actually have a hip title for our reluctance to embrace new technology. We're called "retro" gamers. That sounds much better than freightened old men scared that robots might come and steal their Ensure drinks, Bingo chips and Social Security cards...
Monday, October 11, 2010
Do Social Networks Threaten the Relevance of Reunions?
My 10 year high school reunion was last weekend. I did not attend. For one, I was in North Carolina that morning for a family reunion, and Virginia Beach that night because we were given free tickets to the symphony. I also didn't really see how the $150 per couple ticket price for the reunion was justified. It was at a mid-range hotel (i.e. not roach infested, but not exactly the Ritz either), in one of the banquet rooms judging from the pictures, with a dj, a hastily thrown together banner, and some semblence of a bar. If I'm going to be completely honest, I also didn't go because I'm embarassed by certain aspects of my life right now, i.e. being a college graduate who can only obtain a temp job. Not to mention the bald spot and grey hair. But another reason, and one that may make me sound unintentionally snobbish, is that I've kept up with my true high school friends on Facebook. Those who I consider to be good friends have made an effort to keep in touch. And if we want to see each other in person, we make plans to do so.
Facebook has also allowed me to keep in touch with casual aquaintances in a non-awkward way. Which, afterall, is a big reason for going to reunions; what does he look like now? Is she still cute? What has he done with his life? etc. All of those questions can be answered on Facebook, and from the privacy and safety of your own home. In fact, Facebook allows you to catch up with far more people than you would at a reunion. The lucky ones moved far away from the area of my high school. And in today's economy, not many can afford a trip back to our old stomping grounds. But Facebook is free, and doesn't require any travel, and many of my former classmates that were able to escape are on Facebook.
Facebook has also allowed me to keep in touch with casual aquaintances in a non-awkward way. Which, afterall, is a big reason for going to reunions; what does he look like now? Is she still cute? What has he done with his life? etc. All of those questions can be answered on Facebook, and from the privacy and safety of your own home. In fact, Facebook allows you to catch up with far more people than you would at a reunion. The lucky ones moved far away from the area of my high school. And in today's economy, not many can afford a trip back to our old stomping grounds. But Facebook is free, and doesn't require any travel, and many of my former classmates that were able to escape are on Facebook.
Ok, maybe that's an anti-social point of view. It would be nice to see those people again in person, admittedly. I wouldn't mind catching up with my former football team mates, or theater buddies, or journalism crew members. And social networks can't compete with person to person communication and physical contact. You can reminisce and share memories through Facebook, but they're not instantaneous unless the other person happens to be on at the exact same time. And it's hard to judge emotions when reading text, despite the revolutionary cultural breakthrough that is the emoticon. But are you really laughing out loud, or are you awkwardly politely chuckling? One can't tell from a simple "lol." And a winky smiley face could easily be misinterpreted. Is it a flirt, or did you just forget to hold down the shift key? Such issues are cured by physical contact. When the hot cheerleader turned unhappy divorcee mother of two, now double fisting Coronas like they're a lifesource hands you her hotel room key, the signal is pretty clear. And a physical reunion only happens once every few years or so. One night of awkwardness, eased by beverage consumption and genuine desired reconnection.
Conversely, adding someone to Facebook is somewhat of a commitment. Do you leave a happy birthday message when their birthday notification pops up? Do you join their Mafia, or ask them to join yours? Do you help fertilize their farm? Does replying "maybe" to all of their invitations to their band's gigs give them a false sense of hope? Is it more polite to just ignore the invitations, realizing that it's a mass invite, and not a personal outreach? When is it ok to leave a snarky yet funny comment in reply to a Facebook status? Not to mention the social etiquette behind the "like" button. Heaven help us if the "dislike" button is ever created...
One advantage that Facebook does have over a high school reunion is the ability to reunite with people outside of your graduating class. Nothing against my graduating class, but I was friends with classes above and below me more than I was within my own graduating class. If somehow a reunion could incorporate everyone that was in the school my junior or senior year, that would be awesome. Facebook can do that. It also allows us to set up individual groups, thus restoring the natural clique order that was high school, instead of forcing us to try to mingle with and relate to those who gave us a hard time, or completely ignored us while we were in school, now filled with a false sense of nostalgia and unprecidented comradery.
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