Refrigerator Buried In Sandbox, or eBay Restores Childhoods

I was a very passive kid growing up. I'm still fairly passive, really... When my friends and I played GI Joe, we didn't have epic wars, like you're supposed to have with your GI Joe figures and accessories; it was more like "neighboring friendly refugee camps come together for good spirited kick-boxing/wrestling matches." We lined up our figures and vehicles as any good undiagnosed O.C.D. youths will do, and we took turns picking which ones we wanted on our team for that day. Then we'd go to separate corners of the room, put our favorite figures in our favorite vehicle, and drive to each other's base, where we'd have wrestling matches. It was relatively peaceful, and fun.

And then my men were deployed to the conflict in the sand dunes. And scheduling conflicts forced me to go lone wolf this time.



I used to have a really awesome tree fort, about 20 feet high, nowhere near trees, and underneath that I had a sandbox. And for whatever reason, one day I decided to play GI Joe the way boys were supposed to play GI Joe, with imaginary gunfire, explosions, and casualties. Maybe the Gulf War had weighed more heavily on my young mind than I realized at the time. At any rate, I came to understand the horrors of war.

I sent my men in there alone. Good God; what was I thinking? I lost a lot of good men that day. Well, one actually. William "Refrigerator" Perry. He was a limited edition. I had to cut out proofs of purchase, and send $3 shipping and handling for him. I should have known he wouldn't come back from that excursion. He was armed only with a football on a stick, after all.

It was tragic. I wanted to give him a proper burial, so I dug out a grave for him in my sandbox. A proper grave too. Not quite 6 feet deep, but going by scale, it would be close. And I left him there. And then my tree fort was condemned and torn down. And the sandbox was covered over. And we moved to Virginia.

I thought I'd never see him again. But, a decade later, I searched eBay. And low and behold, people are selling William "Refrigerator" Perry GI Joe action figures. Unfortunately, they're going for a premium price. That is, if you want the football on a stick included. We were naive back then, and the weapons and accessories were often misplaced, making them highly sought after commodities these days. And who doesn't want the football on a stick? I haven't managed to win an auction for one yet, but I'm still holding out hope. It'd be nice to reconnect with that bit of my lost childhood. I still regret never exhuming the remains before we moved. And somewhere in upstate New York, there's a decaying limited edition action figure buried relatively deep in a mound of earth. And that's just kinda weird.

eBay also has the GI Joe aircraft carrier.

I really wanted one of these when I was a kid. A kid a few houses down had TWO of them. I mean, look how cool this thing is. Granted, it only fits about three GI Joe planes, as opposed to an actual aircraft carrier. And the plane is bigger than the control tower... But still, that thing was cool. And I did eventually get the GI Joe plane, so I had the plane, but no runway. But, just as my parents couldn't justify spending that kind of money back then, I can't really justify spending it now. My 'Joes are boxed up and living in my parent's attic. And I already make my wife deal with my framed record albums and Misfits and Joey Ramone action figures on the walls. And I'm a grown ass man...

Such is life, I suppose. Now that I can have these toys, I shouldn't. But I am going to score a Refrigerator Perry GI Joe someday. I can at least call that "sports memorabilia" and possibly get away with it. Just as they're Misfits action figures, not dolls...