What's In A Name?

    Admittedly, I've lost a bit of interest in heavy metal throughout the years. My musical interests turned more toward punk rock, with occasional dabbling in other genres along the way. But I'm starting to get back into metal, with newer bands like Gojira piquing my interest in the genre once again. Although, Gojira is a perfect example of one of my difficulties in discovering modern metal; the band names. Is it pronounced Go-gee-rah? Gah-jih-rah? Go-he-rah? Go-j-eye-rah? At least the logo is legible. While I don't know how to say the band's name, at least I can spell and read it. That's more than I can say for this band:

    Supposedly, the word "Goratory" can be found somewhere within this logo. I get that this is commonplace for the death metal genre these days, but... the classic death metal bands had logos that were easy to read, and they were no less "brutal." There's no mistaking these bands for Hungarian folk music, or Lithuanian love songs.

 Cannibal Corpse

Mortification

Death

Napalm Death

   So, why the illegible logos? Isn't it hard to advertise and promote your band when potential fans can't read your name? Maybe genre fans just go out and pick up anything that looks like a death metal band. I find that hard to believe. In every genre, there are good bands, and there are bad bands. Fans dig through the muck to find the gold. But i don't mean to pick on the death metal genre. I actually like death metal, although admittedly I prefer the aforementioned classic bands over most newer bands.

   Illegible logos and difficult to say names aside, I find that the names of metal bands are getting out of hand. Slayer, Anthrax, Megadeth, Iron Maiden, Judas Priest, Morbid Angel, Disturbed... Those are metal names. Simple and to the point, and they sound heavy. You wouldn't mistake a band named Cradle of Filth for a boy band, or hippie jam band. But how about A Bird A Sparrow? Or A Cursive Memory? What exactly does Be Your Own pet sound like? All modern bands, all goofy names.

    But at least they're complete names. There's a band called Academy Is. Academy is what? Even if you add a noun or an adjective, or even a verb to the end of that, it's still an incomplete thought. Academy Is Voting, Academy Is Hard, Academy Is Rock. Not complete thoughts; not good band names. How about the band ...And You Will Know Us By The Trail Of Dead? That one's incomplete and obnoxiously long, not to mention hard to remember. To their credit, they eventually shortened it to Trail of Dead. They should have just called themselves Trail of Dead to begin with though. But, at least their name is comprised of actual words. How about the band !!!  ?  Yes, there's a band called !!!. Supposedly, it's Chk Chk Chk, phonetically. It's stupid, reasonably. You can't search for !!! in Google. And Chk Chk Chk isn't a name either. It's a noise. Why not call the band Pbbblt? At least that's kind of funny, as it's shorthand for a "raspberry," or sticking out one's tongue and blowing. 

    A band's name should be short, easy to remember, and easy to say. Fans should be able to chant the band's name at concerts. And they shouldn't feel stupid doing so. "Gwar! Gwar! Gwar! Gwar!," or "Panic! At the Disco! Panic! At the Disco!" One of these things is not like the other. They dropped the exclamation point after panic, but still... How about song names? "Play Freebird!" Or "Play There's a Good Reason These Tables Are Numbered, Honey, You Just Haven't Thought of It Yet!" Yeah...

I don't know. Maybe I'm being too critical of things I don't completely understand. It's just hard for me to get excited about a band with a silly name. Then again, Beatles...